I’ve been following the Compassion blog trips since they began and it’s been a dream of mine to go on one. Yet when Shaun asked me if I wanted to go, the reality of stepping so far outside my comfort zone hit me. Overwhelmed me a bit.
I thought I’d share one of my journal entries with you. I’m so honored to be able to go on this trip and I certainly couldn’t have gone without your kindness to come here and be a part of this community. So I want to bring you along as much as I can, even on the decision making process.
From my journal:
So it looks like I could really go on this compassion trip to the Philippines. I struggle with wanting to go but also my fear of actually going.
I don’t want to just run to the loud ringing bell. This is obviously a “noble and honorable” thing to do. It’s clearly worthwhile.
But I don’t want to think it’s anymore worthwhile to go than it is to stay home with my children and love and mother them. It is no more daring for me to go than it is to stay.
In a sense, it’s easier. There is recognition and praise if I go. People might be impressed. It’s exciting. It’s meaningful. I can measure it’s worth.
But staying home? I can’t measure each day’s impact. No one says, “Wow! You played Candyland 27 times today? That’s incredibly cool. What was it like?”
So is going simply the easier, logical option?
But then, if I go, there are so many uncertainties.
What if I get sick? What if something goes wrong?
I am passionate and empathetic and want to change the world. How will I handle it emotionally when I’m thrown in the middle of desperate poverty that I can’t fix? When I meet children who need help, but I can’t help all of them?
I’ve never been on the other side of the world. I’ve never been away from my family for so long.
I’ve never been to my mother’s country. What kind of emotion is that going to stir? To see places she saw? To get a glimpse into who she was? Can I handle it all?
I don’t know…
But I do know this…
If I want my children to learn selfless compassion, if I want them to follow Jesus outside of their comfort zones, if I want them to follow God so closely that they realize fears are only disappearing shadows…then I have to show them what that looks like.
And if I want to make any kind of change in this world, in the lives of those precious Filipino children, I must step out.
Comfort and change cannot coincide.
If flying, getting a little sick or being away from my family for a few days are my greatest fears…… then what in the world am I really living for?
I’ve always loved this quote:
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are made for…” -unknown
There are seasons for the harbor and seasons for the ocean. What season are you in?Leave a Comment