How To Be Perfectly Confident at Holiday Gatherings

By November 9, 2010Get Inspired

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15 outfit changes. Snapping at the children. Last minute frustration that we don’t have anything to wear. Running late, again. Why isn’t the house perfectly clean? If only we had nicer furniture or a bigger house for all our guests.

If only! Why? Arghhhh!

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”

Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it.
Sometimes it just seems like an expensive reminder that we fall short of the Currier and Ives standard. We don’t match up to the Hallmark commercials, the Christmas movies, the perfect people, perfect holiday homes and perfectly happy families.

I’ve been there. I’ve done that. And now I fight it with everything I have.

And what I have is a secret weapon that allows me to walk into any occasion in complete confidence.

My secret weapon? Prayer.

“Um, wow, Kat. A bit cliche today, are we?”

Um, yeah. If the cliche fits, wear it.

Fighting Insecurity…

When I pull up to a perfect holiday party filled with perfect people and I’m feeling horribly less than, I think of all the people that intimidate me. And then I pray for them.

Something Like This…

God, thank you for Sarah! Thank you that she challenges me and inspires me to be more than I am. I pray that you would bless her home. Make it a place of peace, comfort and security; rich with stories of Your faithfulness.

I pray that she would find all her confidence and hope in you.

Tonight, I ask that the words that come from my mouth would be ones not intended to draw attention to myself but ones that give you fame. I can’t bring joy, heal hurts or restore like you can. Do those things through me tonight in the heart of each person I talk to.

Give me the words to speak and ears to listen
. To listen well. Thank you for the privilege of being with these people, Your children. May my thoughts, actions and words bring only life.

You are good. What an honor and privilege to walk into that room with Your name, my definition.”

Can I Get an Amen?

Dear Insecurity,

You just got the smackdown.


There goes the Enemy’s failed attempt to make me take my eyes off of Jesus; his backfired strategy to get me to draw attention to myself. Instead…he got served a crazy dose of in-your-face comparison crushing compassion.

He tried to weasel his way into the party, and his invitation just got revoked.

Somebody else is coming with me instead.

Bam!!! I am so ready to party.

Don’t just dress up, pray up. And I daresay it will be a holiday to remember.

(This post is part of WFMW.)

Leave a Comment



  • love it. we all need to give insecurity the smackdown this year.

    i have been reminding myself all day that the enemy has already been defeated, i just need to claim it.

  • You’ve got my Amen!

    Smackdown?!!! Holla! 😉

  • Avatar Rachel says:

    This might be my favorite post that you have written so far.

  • Avatar Sarah says:

    This is an early Christmas gift, Kat! THANK YOU!

  • Avatar Jennifer says:

    I love this. You are so inspiring. Thank you for the real honesty you share.


  • Avatar melissa p. says:

    dear insecurity… (yes!)
    You are good. What an honor and privilege to walk into that room with Your name, my definition!!!! (brilliantly put, and SO TRUE!!! i’m keeping that one tucked away in my heart and mind for the next couple months – YOUR NAME, MY DEFINITION!)

    thank you for this!

  • Avatar tacy says:

    rock it.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kara Fleck and Kat @Inspired2Action, Kat @Inspired2Action. Kat @Inspired2Action said: I may have been feeling a bit spunky when I wrote this. It will be interesting to see how it's received – […]

  • Avatar Nicole says:

    I can definitely relate to the whole insecurity thing; I think its a great idea to pray for that certain someone when we get that tinge of jealousy. I’m a single mom and sometimes when I see families all cute together I get a little jealous because I want that. I like how you said insecurity got the SMACK DOWN! We should pray for others and rejoice for them and help it to refine ourselves at the same time! Thanks Kat!

    Nicole’s latest blog:Made to be Alluring

  • Avatar elizabeth c. says:

    thank you…not only a good reminder for holiday things…but something i needed to hear and can apply to some other insecurities i have been struggling (read: full out and out knock down drag out battle) with lately…i have been having that little (or not so much so) scripture (pray without ceasing) knocking at the door to my heart lately…this was a wonderful reminder about how to apply it.

  • Avatar Stephanie says:

    I needed to hear this so much! And frankly, I need to DO this so much – and at pretty much every party/gathering/get-together I go to. A friend recently posted a quote by Susie Larson on her blog: “How do we know if we are held captive by others’ opinions…when our goal is more to impress than to bless?” I want to be a person whose goal is to bless! And man, it would be nice if that was a habit instead of a fight.

  • Avatar Heidi says:


    Kat, I’d agree with some of the comments above…definitely one of my favorite posts. Every woman fights insecurity, and this just points right back at it, telling it where to go. I love it…and really needed to hear it. I’m forwarding this to all my friends. Thank you for being brave enough to post it. 🙂

  • Avatar Sharon O says:

    Wow that was awesome and yes that prayer doesn’t have to be just at Christmas it can be anytime we feel ‘discouraged’ and not matching up to what the standards are yelling at us.
    I really appreciated that encouraging word.

  • Avatar Sarah Roberts says:

    I love this post! After years of struggling with insecurities at social gatherings, I feel like I have “conquered” it, but your post has made me rethink that. I love the idea to pray for those that somehow make me feel like I don’t measure up. Hellooo!!! I’ve grown up in a Christian home my whole life and am just NOW figuring that out (with your help, obviously). Thank you for being inspired and, by so doing, inspiring me. I will commit to having a similar prayer in my heart more often.

  • Avatar Elizabeth says:

    Thank you! and Amen!

  • Kat…

    YOU GO GIRL!!!! That is exactly the way to head into those dreaded situations! I have a lot of them to face this year…my family (of origin not my own little family) has a real way of pushing all of my anxiety and insecurity buttons during the holidays. After all they created the buttons…who better to try to push them. I have a surprise for them this year though…:D The buttons are disappearing! I am praying for each one of them everyday before we go to the gatherings. Praying God will fill my heart with compassion and that He will soften theirs and give them a hunger for Jesus…along with many other prayers for them (and me). I want them to see the joy that Jesus brings to my life and my peace and how much I actually LOVE living a simple life with my husband and children at home.

    Thank you for writing about difficult topics! You are the bomb! 😀

    Praying for you this holiday season as well…

    Encouraging in His Grace for His Glory,

    Mary Joy

  • Avatar Natalie says:

    Awesome, I love it! AMEN!!!

  • AMEN! You GO girl! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    It’s starting NOW, and increasing Thanksgiving week when we travel to my in-laws, and please God it never stops.

    Corrollary: The BEST pictures of myself are looking into a camera and telling Jesus silently “I love you.” (Learned through many JCPenney studio sessions with my baby girl, who’s now 10!)

  • Avatar Morgan says:

    I LITERALLY just got off the phone with my sister-in-law, where I spilled my guts for 45 minutes about my insecurities about our after Christmas visit. Thank you so much for this post!!!

  • Avatar Bethany B. says:

    What a great post!!!

  • Avatar Amanda Colo says:

    So often we forget to fight our insecurities with spiritual warfare and instead try to lean on our own understanding and self-confidence. Thank you for this reminder during these busy days to keep our thoughts captive to the Lord. 🙂

  • Avatar Patti says:

    Love love love this post!

    And great timing for me, as I am hosting a lovely group of women for dinner and bible study *tomorrow* in my permanently-less-than-perfect home. Nasty enemy, even in (especially in) the midst of planning for a precious time like this wants to whisper lies in my ears. Smackdown!!

    My favorite sentence: “What an honor and privilege to walk into that room with Your name, my definition.”


  • Avatar Sami says:

    Thanks, Kat. You have totally changed my life (really) with my mornings maximized (OK, God has changed my life because I start my morning with Him!).

    This is just what I need for this holiday season. I lost my parents 2 holiday seasons ago and it has made social settings sooo awkward for me. I will be proactive this season with prayer! Thanks for your blog, I love it!

  • Avatar Katie says:

    This needed to be said! Thanks so much! Katie

  • Hi Kat,

    Back again to share a link that may be helpful in situations like this.

    With prayer as the fuel to a gracious heart, I think being prepared in your mind also helps in uncertain social settings.

    I learned a great mental visual tactic at a leadership workshop while in college to utilize when meeting new people or conversing in groups that you don’t know very well. I STILL use it today as we’ve found ourselves moving a lot due to my husbands schooling. It’s amazing how having a simple mental picture in your mind can help ask good questions to fuel a conversation that mitght otherwise feel a bit strained or forced.


  • Avatar Renee says:

    LOVE this! Thank you so much for the reminder that God’s Way is the BEST way to do anything!

  • Avatar Kathy says:

    Great thoughts! Thanks to you, I plan to pray more during this holiday season!

  • Avatar shorty says:

    Perfectly said with the perfect amount of humor to get us thinking about how silly we can be when He is there to help us through:) Thank you

  • […] Kat at Inspired to Action discussed how to be more confident at holiday gatherings […]

  • […] love what Kat posted a while back about her secret weapon that allows us to walk in any occasion confidently. (Don’t you think she should really look into starting a blog of incredibly practical tips […]

  • whew. genius. so wise- thanks for sharing and reminding us of these truths!