My Humiliation And What I Hope You Can Learn From It

By September 3, 2012Get Inspired


NOT MY BEST MOMENT

Humiliation can teach WONDERFUL life lessons.

I played soccer. Not well, but I played.

(No, that’s not me – Photo Credit)

After I had my second child I heard about a new women’s soccer league. I’d never played soccer before, but the idea of running around like a maniac, kicking people in the shins and stealing the ball away from others sounded like the perfect motherhood stress reliever.

I played defense and loved it.

One particular game, my teammate couldn’t keep up with the opponent she was defending. I often had to pick up her player when she fell behind.

Naively, I went to my coach and asked if he thought we should switch positions. I was a faster runner so I thought it was a no-brainer.

My coach didn’t see it the same way. He looked at me and said, “Well, you tend to chase after the ball instead of playing your position. Yes, she’s getting beaten sometimes, but I need someone there who knows their position and plays it.”

Doh.

I sheepishly ran back onto the field.

It was humiliating, but taught me an incredible life lesson.

PLAYING MY POSITION

I’m an idea person. I love being creative. I love business and coming up with new ideas. I love blogging and music. I love running and sports. I love my church and helping people.

I love lots of things. But in this season of life, I’ve been assigned to play a specific position.

I am a mother. I could “chase the ball” and run after every exciting, impressive opportunity that comes my way.

Maybe I’d even be successful. But those things are secondary.

There are a lot of bloggers. There are a lot of entrepreneurs. There are a lot of runners.

I am the only one my children call Mommy.

I must be faithful. I must be focused. This my purpose. My position. I must play it well.

Do you struggle with “playing your position”? Do you feel like you have too much on your plate or is it just right? Click here to join the discussion.

Originally shared June 6, 2010.

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Comments

36 Comments

  • Avatar Diane says:

    One thing I’ve learned in this life is to never lose an opportunity to humble myself… it’s good for the soul (and the sense of humor!) Thanks for makign me laugh this morning… one of those rueful I-know-exactly-how-you-must-have-felt laughs, I assure you:)

    And the point of the article wasn’t lost on me either. “Play my position” is a great image.

  • Avatar Denise :) says:

    What a terrific analogy! Thank you for sharing this … blessed are the willing to share their “moments”! 🙂

  • Avatar Christie says:

    I forget my position daily. In fact, and I hate to admit this to myself or anyone else, there are times when I resent my child because I feel like he’s holding me back from all the things I could be or could be doing (including ways to serve God). Does anyone else ever feel like that because I’m embarrassed to admit it and would love to know I’m not the only one. But then I realize the reason I’m not succeeding at any of those things is because I’m neglecting my first occupation and responsibility. God hasn’t called me to be anything else right now except a mom and when I try to run ahead of his timing, I do not do well and everything at home becomes out of balance.

    Thank you for this post today!

    • Avatar Kat Lee says:

      Christie,
      You’re definitely not the only one! There were moments, when I was juggling a million different hats that I felt the same way. One thing I heard Sally Clarkson say transformed my perspective. She said, “This is not the apex of your life.”

      It reminded me that I have 18 short years with my kids and several decades thereafter to do anything else. I don’t want to miss out on these precious years. I’ll never regret being the best mom I can be.

      Like you said, His timing is perfect!

    • Avatar Daniella Peterka says:

      ditto sister, I struggle with it too!! It can be almost comical at times, that my 3 year old is tugging at me and the 2 month old is starting to stir, and I get so frustrated because I just want them to leave me alone so I can….**read more blogs on how to be a good mother**…….yeeeah.
      AND yes, I have so many hopes and dreams for my life, small humble hopes, but hopes nonetheless, and I feel like I can’t even get 20 minutes to myself to do a favorite hobby, etc. The Lord is teaching me so much through the laying down/setting aside of my desires for now so I can ‘play this position’.
      I’ll be praying with you!

    • Avatar Beth Lombardi says:

      Christie, I completely relate! I feel like if I can’t be the perfect wife and mother than I should do something else that will get me the esteem I desire. I am certainly not the perfect wife and mother, so that leaves me looking at what else I might excel at. Playing my position and learning that my failures can be as beneficial for me and my family as my success would be a very positive life change for me. Thank you Kat!!! Once again you have shared a truth that my heart heart longed to hear. .

  • Avatar Liz says:

    Thank you!!! This was VERY encouraging!!!

  • Wow. You hit me square between the eyes. Its like a message playing over and over in my mind, yet I feel there is just so many other things pulling at me. I’m taking this a God stepping up His warning to me. Thanks Kat.

  • Avatar Daniella Peterka says:

    WOW…
    I couldn’t believe the timing of this post when I just read it, when 2 minutes ago before I sat down I was seriously pondering why God wants to let every mother of small children be humiliated and degraded to doing the most humbling and dirty work…potty training, messes, dirty diapers, throwup hiding in the neck-creases of a two month old, cloth diapers in the laundry, dishes piled high with no end in sight, no sleep, floor not vaccumed in who-knows-how-many-WEEKS…
    “does He not like us?” was the pity-party thought going through my head a moment ago… (my answer of course being a gentle nudging…that yes, though Eve sinned and we women, yes we can SIN like no others… God also created us to be OH SO BEAUTIFUL and perhaps motherhood is the “position” He gave us so that we’d be REFINED like no other, made holy in this life so that we have so much depth and character and understanding of true servanthood when we enter eternity with Him…?)
    Thank you for this great post, for sharing your own humiliation with us so that we can in turn see our own humiliations as ways that God wants to teach us!
    Your blog is always so encouraging, thank you!

  • Avatar Eliz. K says:

    Oh my. Good timing, thank you. I am a new mama, and learning how to fill this role. It is so easy for me to want to chase after other things, and feel like I need to be doing so much more. My husband is so encouraging about me “just” being a mom, but I needed your reminder.

  • Avatar Trisha says:

    Thanks for the blog post and reminder! Last week, I was struggling with priorities and not jumping at every facebook challenge and liking every facebook page or following other bloggers that comes my way! So much good out there, but as a wife and mommy, that is my #1 role!

  • Avatar Lacey says:

    Thank you for the reminder, it’s amazing how often I forget that just being mommy is enough right now! I, like you, can get caught up wanting to do so many other things and not enjoying the moment and season I’m in.

  • Oh my goodness Kat what and AWESOME reminder at just the right time. Yes. I too have to tell myself that my position is as mother to my little ones FIRST and foremost (outside of being wife to their dad). And as a matter of fact I have recently (in the last year or so) decided that if a commitment doesn’t fit into the framework of my primary purpose as mom, then I simply don’t commit. I have three kids each with their own activities and schools so I’m busy enough getting them where they need to go. Everything else I commit to for the most part has to nurture that role! Thanks again for the reminder!

  • Avatar Jenny Smart says:

    Hi Kat – excellent thought! I know exactly how you feel. I have four kids who are mostly grown up and I care for my elderly mother so….. I thought it might be nice to do ‘my thing’ and get a job. Well I applied (and they told me I basically had it) but God told me that it wasn’t the right time just yet so I had to bow out of the application process – felt really silly and a little frustrated if I’m honest… I guess I just have to be content with the position God’s got me in for a little longer….

  • Avatar Dionna says:

    I love this so much. 🙂

  • Avatar Tim White says:

    My wife posted a link to this on her FB page, I usually like the stuff she reads so I followed it. Here I was thinking that this would be a funny little article about the wacky adventures of a mom, but it was not quite what I expected.
    Instead I read about the wacky adventures of a mom, who makes an excellent point. Good job, that was very well done ma’am.

  • Avatar Aubrey says:

    Word. You said it sister. Good stuff to keep a hold on. Thank you.

  • It bothers me to know that I am right were this post is aiming at, I do not play my position when it comes to my life. As a woman I feel as if i’m failing and falling short of the glory of God. I’m sure He created me to excell in all that I do, but how can I get there when I continually miss the mark? Thank you for you post it allowed me to refocus on my purpose in life, continue to strive for the gold medal even if I fail or miss the mark eventually (I hope) I will get there.

  • Avatar Jessica says:

    Loved this! Perfect timing for me too! I often come up with so many ideas and I believe God puts them in my heart, but not necessarily for me to do right now. I need to resist the temptation to do too much and not honor the current position I’m in as wife to my BFF and mom to 4 healthy, active kids 🙂 thanks so much!!,

  • Avatar Debbie says:

    I am a Grandmother who is presently caring for and training my 3 grandchildren each day during the week because my daughter has been bedridden and suffering from neurological pain since her youngest, who is now 8 months old, was 2 months old. My position is dual at the moment and only God knows how long this will last. I am “parenting” these children and also their grandparent at the same time. I do the main part of the training in righteousness, discipline and teaching each day. I try to maintian a balance between law and grace. I also try to, with the help of my Lord and God, to model all these things that I am teaching them and telling them daily. This is a huge and awesome job and one that many times I feel ill equipped to do. God, in His grace and providence, has ordainded that we (my family) should be going through this trial and walking by faith right now. I need prayer and grace from Him and my church family moment by moment each day. This is my reality and one that I trust the Lord will use for His glory and all of our good. Amen. Debbie

    • Avatar Kat Lee says:

      Debbie,
      My grandmother played a huge (massive) part in raising me. She is so much of who I am and I couldn’t be more grateful. You are doing life changing work, Debbie. The investment you are making now will be reaped for generations to come. I’m praying for you today.

  • Avatar melanie says:

    Once again, an awesome Kat post.

    Sometimes I feel like Coach is calling me to play two positions at once… Like prompting me to start writing a public blog despite being pregnant with my 4th child. I’ve looked at him from the field and yelled, “Are you sure?!” So I’m trying to figure out how to play my position well while going after the ball every once in a while when it’s close enough to get it. (I played soccer too. And not well either. =)) Gotta be careful that I don’t misjudge it, though. (I also have bad depth perception.)

    Anyway, always a good reminder to be where I am yet sometimes its fun to dream about your new position in a couple of decades when the kids are out of the house…

    melanie

    • Avatar Kat Lee says:

      Melanie,
      I totally get that! Been there. Am there.

      It’s such a balance and I think that precarious feeling is His way of drawing our eyes to Him to be certain about each step.

  • Avatar Claire says:

    This truly scares me. How many men consider themselves defined only as a Dad or that playing the Dad role is what defines them. Yes, we should care, love and respect the children we bring into the world but please do not let a soccer analogy about what is the best place for you to stop a ball being kicked in a net define who you should be as a person. Let your children inspire you, but inspire yourself. Your children deserve to see inspiring role models for parents to show that this world has amazing opportunity, diversity and experiences. Do not let being a mother define who you are, let it be a part of what makes you interesting. Do not strive to be perfect but strive to what makes you good, whether that be working in a fantastic, inspiring job that allows you to bring up your children in a way that gives them freedom and you the ability to love them more. Or whether that is to be there for them at all times because that’s what you enjoy. Just do what is right for you, do not play a part to make everyone else happy, unlike soccer, life lasts longer than 90 minutes. Playing a role on a soccer pitch is necessary but you do it because you enjoy it for 90 mins. Having to do it for a large part of your life would probably make you want to quit. We all have to play a role for a small while, but don’t make it who you are. Be you, be interesting and part of that is being a mother it is not the whole you.

    • Avatar Kat Lee says:

      Claire,
      I completely agree with you.

      Motherhood should not define us. Neither should our career or our hobbies or our relationships.

      God made us wildly complex and completely unique. We should cherish and tend to all areas of who we are.

      My children do lots of things. They take music lessons, play on sports teams and go to school. But those music lessons and those sporting activities are always going to be secondary (in our home) to their education.

      That doesn’t mean, they can’t do them or that they can’t excel at them. It means that when push comes to shove, their education comes first. Because if they don’t make the grades, they won’t even be allowed on sports teams (per school rules). If they don’t excel at learning, they won’t make it in the music business.

      Education is their focus right now. It won’t always be. Someday, they may have a job, or maybe have families. Then their focus will change.

      Right now, motherhood is my focus, regardless of how many other hats I wear. I have small, precious, impressionable children in my home and I love them desperately, as I’m sure you love yours. We would do anything for them.

      My heart in writing this post is that we’d stop trying to “do it all.” It’s simply not humanly possible. Just as I ask my kids to focus on their education right now in the formidable years, I want to focus on them in these early years.

      I still write, I still speak at events, but when push comes to shove, all of that is secondary to me. I never knew my own mother. This is my once chance at the mother-child relationship.

      I don’t want to miss a moment.

      I don’t serve my children out of a need for identity, but rather because I know my identity and I passionately want them to know theirs as well so that they won’t live their lives for others, but for God and the incredible adventure He has called them to.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts. Thank you for helping me clarify mine. It makes me a better writer and this a better blog.

  • Avatar Deborah says:

    This was enlightening, thank you! I do not want to come across vain or selfish when I say what I’m fixing to say because I’ve been struggling with the decision of having a third baby. (my awesome husband is supportPlease forgive me for pouring out my thoughts, because im almost ashamed to admit them, but I feel the need to let them out. My hesitations are thoughts like can I really balance work, home, and being out

  • Avatar Deborah says:

    Well I accidentally cut myself off…sorry for that… My husband is supportive in whatever decision and I’m grateful for him. My hesitations are things like can I really swing working full time, will my body be completely toast after another baby, can we financially make it, etc. and I know we will make it work because we can and we have faith and what great joy a child brings, but then what a mess I am sometimes with the two I have now. I truly love being a mother and my children are the utmost importance, as well as my husband, but is it bad that I love my full time job, too? And that I am so depended on at work that I always need to be productive and precise so much that sometimes I feel like I’m too dependent. Does that make sense to anyone? I feel like in the inside I should not let my job dictate my decision on whether or not to have another child, but I admit it does. I’m sorry for that, too. Any encouragements would be great to hear. I need guidance, and I’ve been praying for it for sure. Thank you!!

    • Avatar Deborah says:

      One more thing….this blog comes at me when I’ve been asking myself how I can be a better mom, how can I spend more time with my kids, and yet I’m quick to want to put them to bed at night so I can finally wind down from the day. I feel terrible sometimes so the thought of having another baby is so wonderful to me at times, but then I think about if I’ll struggle instead.

  • Avatar Cristen says:

    Deborah,

    I was just catching up and reading this whole wonderful thread and wanted to respond to Deborah here at the end.

    I have two young girls of my own and am in the decision making process about a third child right now. I have joy in my heart at the thought of another child but concern that with my health I may ‘take on more than I can chew’ with another one. (Have a lot of migraines and can’t take my meds while pregnant and breastfeeding.) I have no grand advice for Deborah other than to pray this prayer for you…

    I pray that God would give you the desires of your heart–meaning if He wants to bless you with another child He will plant such a strong steady desire inside you for it that your current exhaustion doesn’t overtake the joy set before you. Along with that, I pray He will increase your capacity day by day as needed for the moment you are in so that you have an abundance of grace and energy to pour into your children. As far as your job, there is nothing wrong with you for loving your work and feeling torn. And so I pray that if He has another child for you and that means you have to cut back at work, so as not to be overworked and constantly exhausted, than God would give you a very clear and unmistakable word about this and a true joy to make that transition. If it seems financially impossible for you to cut back at work or even quit for awhile, than He will give you a clear solution to this real life delima. So many women are in this same exact situation as you, do not feel alone in your thoughts and questions. It is a testimony to you as a mother that you want to give your kids what they deserve and do your best for them. If you are to keep working and have a third child than I know the Lord will be with you every step of the way, and in the hardest moments, you will receive great reward from Him for every ounce of energy you pour out. Blessings on you and your husband and little ones.

  • […] My Humiliation And What I Hope You Can Learn From It {Inspired to Action} How are you playing your position of Motherhood? […]

  • Avatar Tiare says:

    Thanks for this.

    As a mommy and a soccer player and an entrepreneur and a person who likes/loves/needs/wants to be more than one thing at a time, the advice to “play your position” really resonated with me. I know the value of playing my position on-field, but I admit to needing to do better at playing my position off-field.

    Thanks again.