How Much Do Friends Cost?

By March 8, 2012General

We were young and foolish. We were also expecting our first child. Not the best combo, but that’s where we found ourselves about 10 years ago.

My husband and I lived in the thiriving city of Houston. He had a well paying business job and I had my dream job at a radio station in their special events department. It was my JOB to go to concerts, listen to music and hang out with artists. It was a tough life but someone had to do it.

And then? We left it all to move back to our small quiet college town, knowing my husband’s job would be terminated in 6 months….one month after our baby was due.

Why? Friendship.

A Call From An Old Friend

I was sitting in my Houston office downing saltine crackers and willing my morning sickness away when the phone rang.

It was my friend Becca. We had known each other since I was 11 years old and she had some news for me.

“I’m getting married…will you be one of my bridesmaids?”

I nearly spit out my saltines as I tried desperately to not scream my answer.

“Y–eeeee—sss!!!!” I whisper yelled.

Our Lost Treasure

(from elementary school friends to thirty somethings with 8 kids between us)

And so it began. Trips back and forth to our college town, where she still lived, for showers, rehearsals, fittings and all the pomp and circumstance that accompany weddings.

Jimmy and I began to notice that EVERY time we came to town, we ran into old friends. At stores, restaurants, church and everywhere in between.

That doesn’t happen in Houston.

By the time the wedding came around, we decided that this was the sort of place and these were the sort of people around whom we wanted to raise our children.

To us, it was worth the uncertainty and potential financial sacrifice to surround ourselves with friends who knew us so deeply and made us want Jesus more.

When Jimmy asked his boss if he could work from home, (an unusual request at the time) his boss said yes, but that he’d have to find a new job after six months.

So, we packed our life and moved to friendship.

Despite the uncertainty of that first year, it’s been the best decision we’ve ever made. Just last week I went out to dinner with friends I’ve known from 6 to 25 years. Our children play together. What a priceless gift.

The Cost of Friendship

Do you dream of deep friendships? Whether it’s rekindling old ones or forging new ones, friendship always involves risk.

What risk can you take? What risk are you willing to take?

We left dream jobs and financial security because we valued friendships so much.

What can you do to invest in deeper relationships with those around you?

InCourage is hosting an event called InRL. If you’re looking to forge new friendships, this is a great place to start because it’s a gathering of likeminded women right in YOUR community.

When: April 27 & 28

Where: In your home or your community. You can watch the webcast right from your house on Friday night and then on Saturday, join one of the local meetups to hang out with like minded women.

Why: Have fun and make new friends.

Register here:

Find a group here:

Visit the (in)RL website or Check out the video for more details:

And You?

Where are you on the journey of friendship? Do you have friends that know you well or are you in that place of risk and uncertainty? How can we pray for you? Click here to join the discussion.

Leave a Comment



  • Jen says:

    Wow…interestingly enough, the conversation at our house lately has been whether or not to move back to our small East TX hometown. We’d be leaving behind lots of great things in the DFW area, but our conversation keeps coming back to the very thing you wrote about. Friendship. Thanks for sharing this today…

    • Kat says:

      You’re welcome Jen! And the beauty of Texas is that big city amenities are rarely far away (except for West and South). We still do date nights in Austin and Dallas!

  • Wow – just wow. I dream of small towns and close friends like that. Maybe our time will come too. LOVE the idea of trading it in for friendship. Thank you for this beautiful post.

    • Kat says:

      You’re very welcome Lisa-Jo! What you’re doing with this (un)conference will undoubtedly plant these kinds of friendships for women all over the world.

  • Renee says:

    I loved this post. We live in the area I grew up in but unfortunately don’t have contact with old friends because we left a very legalistic lifestyle behind and joined a new church, and our old friends forsook us. As of yet I havn’t formed many close friends yet, as I’m a pretty quiet person.

  • Teri says:

    I so appreciate this post. As a definite “old lady” in this crowd, I can attest to the fact that recently due to very tragic situations; I have had cause to lean heavily on my friends. In the end, a career, lifestyle and all that it affords are definitely blessings; but the true wealth of life rests in relationships….every time. Thanks so much for the affirmation/reminder. The road less traveled is often the most rewarding one ;0)

  • Meaningful relationship is so very important to me. I don’t want to do life alone. My closest friend, here, is moving away in June so you could pray that God would help me to trust Him. He knows my heart & what I need.

    I posted yesterday about the importance of nurturing friendships and was pleased to link to your post of women mentoring each other – something I am applying more to my life because of your encouragement, and to a post at (in)courage about waiting on friendships.

    I guess I find myself looking more and more online for some relationship/conversation but it does not take the place of a flesh and bone friend;)

    • Joyce says:

      Kika, Those true friendships are so hard to find. Praying that you will still be connected with your friend who is moving away. Thank goodness for all the technology nowadays. My 106yo grandma even got to videochat with her 95yo sister who lives in Singapore!

  • Amy Sullivan says:

    I loved this post. Just recently I found myself debating a girls’ trip because of the cost, but I think not seeing those incouraging girls would cost me a lot more than the cash.


    • Joyce says:

      Amy, Yes! I know exactly what you’re talking about. I think that’s the problem sometimes, we feel like it would take too much time or money…those things can be replaced, but those rare true friendships are so hard to find.

  • Alison says:

    Wow. Friendship is the theme of this week for me. God has restored and blessed my friendships with several women. And then I wrote a blog post steeped in friendship (a different friend, not the ones I was having trouble with). Kind of exciting to see God moving this way! Makes me wonder what He’ll do next. 🙂

  • Joe Joe says:

    I love your devotion to your friends. We have it too! It just looks different. We’ve traded in the proximity of friendship for following Christ, but we didn’t trade in the actual friendships. It’s possible! Living overseas, we’ve sacrificed the desire to be surrounded by the familiarity of long-time friends or family. Instead we keep in touch and have deep friendships that have blossomed by our obedience despite the miles. I do get those wishes that sprout up for my kids to be close to friends who share our values, instead we’re steeped in a very harsh culture. But I know its all worth it. We love our life, it is an adventure. I suppose we all have those things we have to give up in our quests to follow God.

  • Joyce says:

    Friendships was the reason why we moved to a smaller town. Born in San Francisco, but only lived there a short time. We moved to a small city where everyone pretty knew each other, but not small enough that everyone was in everyone else’s business. Then moved back to SF after graduating. There’s a lot of fun stuff to do in the city, tons of good food, but it was tough getting out with kids. Now we’re back in a small town, and I love it! I love seeing people I know wherever I go. We’re still 30 minutes away from the city so it’s not hard to get out there and we have a lot of family there too, but I like the slower pace of life where we are, and the friendships that have developed.

  • lorrie says:

    thanks for sharin those personal details with us loved seeing the photos

  • In my “old” age I’m finally starting to learn the value of friendship. I’m a loner at heart and making friends for me takes a lot of effort. But few (and I mean few) that I have I am learning to really treasure them.

  • tripletmama says:

    Hubby and I left South Fla after being there for many years and we left behind many friends to start a new chapter in our lives in TN. We love it here very much but friends have been hard to find. Churches we feel comfortable in are hard to find. And then we had triplets…wow what a surprise, but friends who understand what it is like to have multiples have been terribly hard to find. Eventhough I am a part of a multples group I have not found anyone I feel connected to. Maybe this is what I have been looking for. Thanks so much for your posts that keep me going!

  • […] I know I’m not the only one thinking about friendship as an adult. Hayley just wrote about it. Kat wrote about it. […]