Is God So Small?

By October 23, 2011Get Inspired

Sometimes I wish I’d done drugs. Or maybe spent some time in jail. Not because I think that sounds like a good time, but because I wish I had a better story to tell. I wish I’d had a radical change.

I’ve always had a relatively boring testimony. No grand transformation. No road to Damascus experiences. Just a little girl that loved Jesus who grew up to be a woman that loved Jesus.

But lately I’ve been thinking about how vain I must seem to God, how small I must think Him to be. As if He isnt capable of doing more in me. As if I have reached the apex of the Christian life.

He can radically change us. Yes, even the good ones. Because God doesn’t have a bad, good, best scale. His scale is utterly incomprehensible to us. Unfathomable. Inconceivable.

(Yes, Vicini, inconceivable.)

His scale does not have an upper limit. He can transform all our well hidden wretchedness. He can use us to save, heal and rescue. He is not limited by our story, our title or our income.

Starting today He can use our past to redeem our future and the futures of our children, if we’ll let Him.

He can transform us from impatient mothers to ones full of grace.

He can bring order to our disorder.

He can use us to bring Hope to the hurting.

May we never settle. May we never “arrive.”

Let’s pursue a radical story. Minus the drugs and jail.

Have you thought about your story? Do you have a radical change?

What change are you praying for?

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Comments

33 Comments

  • Avatar Amy Thornton says:

    I can completely relate to your post! So much so that I recently did a post about my “un-testimony” testimony (http://sunshinesentiments.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-un-testimony-testimony.html). But it comforts me to know that God is bigger than that. Thank you for reminding me again of that this morning. I needed to read it. Smiles –

    • Avatar Joyce says:

      I can relate too. “Un-testimony” testimony…sounds like what I have too, but how awesome that He is bigger than that. Despite my own “non-story” I am sure glad He changed my heart and my life.

  • Avatar JennJenn says:

    Quite the contrary… I think God did a far more amazing miracle in you than he did in me (who did all the partying and what-not). He kept you safe and close to His heart. He kept you unrebelious. He showed you how to respect Him enoughy to listen to His council rather than running off to persue ‘life’. You are far more blessed than you can imagine.
    I think the better story is the one where the child remained faithful, because that is the one that will be called His ‘good and faithful servant’.

  • Avatar Abbyj says:

    Ah, yes – I’ve felt the same way. No moment, no wandering, no choice to embrace the bad before having a homecoming to the good.

    But I’ve realized that I have been as lost in my complacency, in my “God is my co-pilot” existence, as many are in their outright running. In many ways, it’s more tragic – like sitting next to the love of your life in silence at the dinner table, blind to all of the things you could discover if you’d only take the time to have a conversation. Lulled into neglect by feeling comfortable with each other.

    Thanks for the reminder that He has bigger plans for all of us – the prodigals and the children who stayed home – than comfortable.

    (And, can I say how much I love your Vicini reference?!)

    • Avatar Kat says:

      Abbyj,

      Yes! That’s exactly what I meant, except you said it so succintly and clearly: “He has bigger plans for all of us than comfortable.”

  • I’ve been praying (and my kids, too) that I could be more in control of my temper. I have honestly seen a change over the last month, as I love my kids better and enjoy motherhood more. I think it’s because of the prayers.

  • Avatar kimberlee says:

    I so can relate, I always had those thoughts, “But I don’t feel I have a testimony because I never partied, did drugs, etc.” I didn’t exactly feel like I had been delivered, which was a very skewed thought because duh–I have been delivered, redeemed and saved!
    One year ago God did use a tragic event in our family to finally give me my story. Growing up as a Christian, it was always head knowledge about His grace & love for me. It took losing a child and reading 1 John 3 to really get His love for me! I finally felt what His grace really felt like and His love for me. God knew what it would take to get His love through to me.

  • Ah, yes. I too have felt the same way. And I come to the same conclusion that you have. There is still SO MUCH work to be done in me! It has taken me so long to come to maturity in Christ. I have had a relationship for a long time. The other night I was singing to our children “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be….” 🙂

  • Avatar Miranda says:

    I’ve thought about this too but the truth is we were all imperfect before accepting Christ into our hearts. All sin is sin in God’s eyes and we all need to ask for forgiveness. I was a relatively good kid but like many I’m sure, i disobeyed my parents, I lied and wasn’t always a “nice” kid in every sense of the word. We all need Jesus whether we did drugs or not :). {I do get your point and relate though too}

  • Avatar Katie Eaton says:

    I used to struggle with the same thoughts. I grew up “the good girl” who was in love with Jesus. My hubby was saved at the age of 21 after he was involved with drugs and gangs. I envied his testimony and thought mine was rather bland. He could not believe I could possibly think that and said I needed to be thankful that the Lord kept me from an awful path. Bottom line…according to Romans, we ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). Before we knew Christ, we were enemies of God (Rom. 5:10). Even though I was saved at an early age, the Bible says I was God’s enemy before I chose Christ. I was still made into a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17). I was dead to sin, but am now alive in the Spirit (Rom. 6:11). That testimony is true for ALL who believe in Jesus as the Son of God. Thanks for posting this. I appreciate your openness with your thoughts and it causes me to praise the Lord for His faithfulness to us and to be thankful for making us more like Him. 🙂

  • I have a dramatic testimony, but when I share I tell people that this is God’s second choice. How many of you would tell your children, “Go out and do drugs, drink, get pregnant, wreck your life. Then turn to the Lord and you will have a dramatic testimony. None of you – right? That’s is because the Lord’s first choice is that you would grow up knowing and loving Him and not remember a time when He wasn’t a part of your life.

  • I too have had a similar journey. But I believe our story is still our story. People will listen to a story more than facts or information.

    My husband is now a Pastor and when people ask us how we became Christians, I have to ask him to not just simply gloss over my story with, my wife was raised a Christian and has always been one – this takes power away from my story. He doesn’t do it anymore, as we have talked about it. 🙂 He on the other hand has a much more “interesting” story.

    And I agree Jesus is willing and able to do MIGHTY and great things in and through us if we listen and obey His voice!

  • Avatar Elizabeth says:

    I heard it called testimony envy for those of us who grew up like you, the cure was said to do radical things so we can always be adding to the testimony of what God is doing!

  • Avatar ann a says:

    Kat, good insight!!! I’ve never heard that perspective before.

    You know who I think is a good example of this? Kristen Welch at We Are That Family. Amazing story, and I’m pretty sure she has always been a good girl (from what I understand from her blog.)

    • Avatar Kat says:

      Ann,

      GREAT example!!! That’s exactly what I mean. I love how her life is radically different than it was just a few short years ago.

      I pray that I each decade of my life shows distinct growth and change….

  • Avatar melanie says:

    I can relate to being the “good girl” as well, but life has gotten harder (as it does) and I’ve now had plenty of opportunity to be carried by God’s grace.

    One of the changes I’m praying for now is that God would light my heart on fire for His Word. It’s been such a common, almost ho-hum part of my life that I really feel like I’m ready to desire it more than the things of this world that I can get obsessive about. If it really is living and active, then I want to experience that in my day-to-day life. No more ho-hum.

    And I feel it happening… =) *Charlie Chaplin heel kick*

    Anybody want a peanut?
    melanie

  • Avatar Sharon says:

    While I was no saint growing up, I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home and to have always known the Lord. I can relate to feeling like I don’t have a testimony, but this post and the great comments are a huge comfort to me. And a revelation really. How true it is that I am fortunate to not have had to go through loads of hard times and rebellion before I accepted the Lord. That is only due to the fact that He has been working in my life all along.

  • Avatar Amy says:

    Yes, I’ve always been the “good girl” and frustrated I didn’t have a more interesting story to tell. Things got interesting after I had an emotional affair a few years ago. While I never strayed from God during the entire process, I obviously was doing things He was not happy with for a season. I did understand grace like I never have before. But. I would give it all back to not have put my husband and myself through that pain again.

    But even barring that, I can see how God is teaching me things about love and compassion that I didn’t understand 10 years ago. We can have a testimony without it being so severe.

  • Avatar Shannon L says:

    I used to have the same thoughts about my “boring testimony”. I would hear people talk about the radical change God did in them, how they walked away from drugs, stripping, porn, whatever, & I wished my story was inspiring like theirs. I wished I had been more messed up so my testimony would touch people & they could relate to me more. & then I got my wish. I can now say that I’ve gotten drunk, gotten high, cut myself, & messed around with guys. & while people may be able to relate to me more now, I don’t like my testimony anymore now then I did then. There’s still days I struggle with the guilt. But one thing gives me hope Romans 8:28 God works all things together for good for those who love Him.

  • Avatar nicole white says:

    We were just discussing this very topic in my women’s connection group. We are starting Tim Keller’s Prodigal God, and talking about relating more to the elder or younger brother. Some who related to the elder brother more talked about the lack of a “great” testimony. Our overall conclusion…. any life redeemed is “great”.

  • Avatar Rachel says:

    Great post. God is going to change us all in ways we cannot possibly imagine right now, even the lifelong Christians, even the “good girls.” And I’m SO EXCITED for us ALL! We are going to be blown away!

    Also, this got me thinking about what “being good” really means. For instance, going to jail isn’t always bad, right? People get jailed for their faith (or for standing up for beliefs that stem from their faith) all the time. What about Paul? In the eyes of most people, he was leading the “goody two-shoes” religious life before his conversion… why, no one had more right to brag than him about doing everything “right.” Then he met Jesus and spent the rest of his life being persecuted and jailed for love. Maybe someday, this “good girl” will be brave enough to go to jail for Jesus.

  • I used to felt the same way. It is so much easier to see God’s work on those people who used to be “bad”.

    Now, I realized that it is not I was not bad but I see my weakness so small: I had been messy my entire life, I never thought it was a big deal until I hit a point that it is dragging me down from achieving everything else.

    I also was not in a situation where my weakness show… I’d never raised my voice until I have my second kid. I just thought I had good temper!

    “May we never settle”!

  • Avatar Karen says:

    I have read your posts for a long time, and this one was a little surprising. I think the opening line was a little shocking. Our testimony is not about us; it’s about Him. Any sin separates us from God. When we feel that we must have a dramatic story to tell, we are making it about us. That’s why Jesus focused repeatedly in the gospels not on outward actions, but on the heart. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for HIS name’s sake-Psalm 23:3. It’s ultimately about bringing the attention away from ourselves and back to Him.

    • Avatar Kat says:

      Karen,
      Oh, I heartily agree! I can tell from the comments that I didn’t communicate my point well today. 🙂

      My first lines were far too distracting and my main point was consequently lost.

      What I was trying to communicate is simply that God has SO much more for our testimony of His power, goodness, and grace than stories of the distant past.

      Our salvation stories are beautiful and wonderful but when we truly walk with Jesus, step out in faith and allow God to use us however He chooses, the stories just keep coming. I wanted to encourage those of us with (so-called) “vanilla” testimonies that the story isn’t over. Everyday we have the opportunity to live our lives in such a way that God can reveal His glory in ever increasing ways.

      Maybe I should have just said that….if I’d thought of it. 🙂

      I apologize for being a distraction today and I IMMENSELY appreciate your honesty.

      • Avatar Karen says:

        Thank you, Kat, for your gracious and thoughtful response. I see more clearly what you were trying to say. The way you responded to my comment is a testimony of kindness and love. I appreciate it 🙂

  • Avatar Amanda says:

    I may always have worn the label of “good girl” but the truth is that left to my own devices I’m anything but. Yes, thanks to early examples of the alternative I’ve stayed drug free and haven’t walked other more startling paths, but in my attempt to be “good” I’ve tilted toward “controlling”, “perfectionist”, “covetous”…you get the picture. God has plenty of redeeming here to do too 🙂

  • Avatar Ana says:

    Thank you. I needed to listen to that. Thank you.

  • Avatar Cindy H says:

    Won’t it be interesting when we stand before Jesus in heaven, and he reveals how unboring our testimony is! How many times, unknowing to us, he miraculously intervened over and over in our lives. God is never through with us, constantly renewing and refilling……thank you for your post.

  • Avatar Kristie says:

    Once again, I come here and find words that express my thoughts so perfectly! My husband and I joke that were were both raised as “the last ones out of the church” children…the ones there each time the doors opened and the last ones to leave. Sometimes, it seems like we don’t have a great story, or a great “AHA!” moment. But what you said is so true — to belittle my own testimony is to make God out to be small.

    Such a great reminder of our BIG God, who uses ALL stories. 🙂