Hello Mornings! {Winter ’11} Week 6

The following is a guest post from the lovely Stacy of Delighting in the Days.

How to say Hello Mornings with a Night Owl Husband

photo credit

It’s 9:30pm. I sink into the couch cushions.

Eyes are heavy.  Breath is deep.

I’m tired.

It’s been a long day.

“Want to watch a movie?” My husband asks energetically.

Say what? Don’t you know I’m maximizing my mornings?

His reply: “But it’s only 9:30.”

If you’re striving to say hello mornings with a night owl husband, this picture is probably familiar to you. It may be a slightly different set of circumstances, but it all comes down to the fact that you are ready for bed, and he is not.

So what’s a girl to do?

Here are a few tips to help you maximize your mornings when you’re married to a night owl (we have not perfected this by any means, but we are working on it):

Talk about it

This is obvious, I know, but its’ worth remembering that men are not mind readers. Let him know what you are trying to do and WHY. Once he understands you are not simply trying to get out of movie night, he may be more willing to go with it.

One of my reasons for getting up early is to help me be a better wife and mother. I feel much more in control of myself (and I’m nicer to be around) when I’ve had a few minutes to spend with God and focus on His will for the day ahead. Plus, it’s much more peaceful than waking up to “I’m hungry Mom!”

I’m guessing most husbands want a nice, happy wife too.

Make sure you are getting quality time together

We can’t blame our husbands for a little protesting if we are suddenly cutting out all of our time with them. A home busy with children often leaves us with few precious moments to share. Carve out some time to spend together on a regular basis. Be it a date night or dinner for two while the kids watch a movie, it’s important to keep each other a priority.

Compromise

I dream of rising at 5am. In this season of life, it isn’t really feasible for me (baby is still waking at night). It would also require an earlier bedtime, which means less time with hubby.  Instead I’m shooting for 6am. He is also aiming to go to bed sooner.

Even though I’m getting up later than I’d really like to, and he is going to bed earlier than he would like to, we are finding a happy medium for the both of us.

The goal is to have a peaceful, godly home. That can still be achieved even when I’m not getting up as early as I want to.

Give him a reason to go to bed early

I’m not going to expound on this one. I think you know what I mean.

Be an example

It’s important to respect our husbands even when they are night owls (wink). If you have ever been a night owl, you know how hard it is to change (even when you want to).

After observing our faithfulness to rise early and experiencing the benefits that come with that, our husbands may decide to join the Hello Mornings bandwagon! Or not.

It’s important to work on our morning routine within the reality we face right now. Work with what you’ve got. The only person we can change is ourselves.

Do you have a night owl husband? Have any tips for keeping a peaceful marriage and rising early in the morning?



Link-Up

This week we’re linking up pictures of our Hello Mornings! Be it your quiet time spot, your favorite morning beverage, or most challenging yoga pose, we want to see it!


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Comments

15 Comments

  • Avatar Amanda says:

    This post had perfect timing for me! I’ve been struggling with this too. I had to move my wake up time to 6 a.m. I work late, and I go to the gym with my husband afterward, so my 5:30 wake up just wasn’t working…I can’t seem to get to bed before 11 most nights. Thanks for the great tips!

  • […] The Hello Mornings girls are sharing pictures today. Here’s mine: […]

  • Avatar Jennifer says:

    Stacy,
    Thanks for posting this. I definitely have a night owl husband, and I used to be and still can be a night owl myself, but I’m thankful that my husband has recently been willing to try to meet me somewhere in the middle of our ideal bedtimes. We both used to stay up late almost every night, watching various shows together, but thankfully he agreed it was best for our marriage to cancel our cable. We picked out one weeknight to watch the one network channel we can pick up with antenna (or re-runs online, or on dvd or netflix), and one weekend night to watch a movie together. Of course this “rule” has to be adjusted when he wants me to watch all or part of an important UNC game with him online, but we have both been getting to bed earlier and waking up more easily. Thank you to Hello Mornings for giving me the simple idea to get in bed earlier!

    • I love that you canceled your cable! When we canceled ours it certainly took a while to get used to not having it around 🙂

      It’s wonderful that you are both working towards what is best for your marriage. As we like to say in Australia, “Good on you!”

  • Avatar Rhoda says:

    Love this post – I read the first bit to my husband because it sounds so much like him and we both laughed! The compromise is what we ended up doing too – he goes a bit early, and I get up later than I would like in an idealistic world! But I still have an hour for devotions in the mornings so it’s worked well. When the kids get up in the night and I sleep in, I have an afternoon spot carved out in my schedule that I can switch my Bible reading to, and if I’m lacking sleep I take a tiny catnap in the afternoon rather than going to bed early which he wouldn’t like.

  • Avatar Joyce says:

    Great post! My husband is so not my accountability partner for MYM. =p Luckily, my in-laws come watch the kids while we get a monthly date night, which is a great time for us since we don’t always get that time before bed to ourselves.

  • Avatar Hyacynth says:

    I really needed to read this. I have a night owl hubby. These are such good reminders — to really talk and really spend time together that’s carved out! Th

  • Avatar Beth Eaton says:

    I do have a “night owl” hubby. Working for the railroad makes his schedule crazy and so there are many, many times that he isn’t ready for bed at the time that I am. I think I am most guilty of allowing that possible quality time to slip away. It’s a give and take on both of our parts for sure!

  • Avatar charlotte says:

    This is great! I just have to re-read again because I’m the night owl and hubby is the one who gets up first (since he has to be out of the house while dark outside). I love being up when the house is quiet & everyone’s asleep, even when I’m barely functional. Learning and compromising to be in bed by 10 though, with my man.

  • Avatar Stacey says:

    Both – your time with the Lord and your time with you husband have value. I love that you have a plan, you are communicating and making it work!

    #mym will not just happen! You have to have a plan! Great truth!

  • Avatar Kara says:

    I think this post was very much needed !!!

    Thank you….

    There may be a season if life, or because of a particular scenario when the most loving thing to do….what God asks of us…is to NOT take on early mornings.

    I’m with ya all…that would be my top choice.
    I like when I get up early, get exercise in, get my Bible read, refocus before the crew comes lumbering out of bed.
    But–there may be times when because of my Night Owl, the “right” thing for me to do is be there with him in the evenings, stay available and by God’s grace, try to fit the rest of that in somewhere else.

    I appreciated the suggestions for communicating and redeeming the time and compromise though….because that’s always a great place to start.

    But–if your husband doesn’t have the option of an early bedtime….and he’d like to at least have you close during those Night Owl Hours…then a “Maximize your Mid-Morning” may be what God is asking of you…er um…me 🙂

  • Super cute and VERY helpful since my man is also a night owl. I just started reading your ebook and cant wait to begin with my accountability partner on the 14th!

  • Avatar Cara says:

    I am also married to a Night Owl! I have become more of a morning person since my son was born, but at age 3, he’s still getting up at 5:30 (or earlier!) to start the day. By the time we put the little one to bed at night (which usually is around 8:30), I’m exhausted and ready for bed myself, but there is still lots for me to get done AND I feel the pressure to spend time with my husband in the evenings. But I’m really not at my best then. Sometimes I feel very disconnected from him as a result of our opposite schedules! Since I’m blessed to have a husband who recently started working from home, we have started having lunch together and talking over lunch. BUT it is still nice to try to spend time with him in the evenings too!