How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours

photo credit

We complicate parenting.

We try 10,000 different methods and look for the perfect solution to help us to be more patient with our children.

When really?
A large portion of our frustration can be avoided with a few simple steps.

I want to challenge you to do a 1 day experiment.

The 5 steps listed below might make you roll your eyes. You’ve heard them before. But how often do we actually do them?

Really?

Try these 5 things for 1 day and you’ll be amazed at the impact they have!

1. Sleep 7-8 Hours

Have you ever had a child MELT DOWN when they were over tired? Yeah, me too.

Sleep is absolutely VITAL to both our emotional and physical well being. Do you get enough of it? Why or why not?

Many of us don’t get enough sleep for unnecessary reasons. Like Facebook. Like the reading blogs. Like TV. Like Twitter.

We say that we NEED time to relax.. Then in the name of “relaxation”, we stay up late, only to be exhausted and grumpy the next day.

When we stay up late, we rob ourselves of tomorrow’s energy, patience and joy.

In reality, the only reason we need so much time to relax is because we’re not truly well rested.

2. Drink 6-8 Glasses of Water

Being dehydrated can be a huge factor in our grumpiness level.

3. Be Like a Wall of Jello

Being a grown up with emotional kids is tough. So imagine what it’s like for our kids to have emotional parents.

When we respond poorly to our children’s emotions (with anger, frustration, rudeness, annoyance) it truly rocks their world. Our children need stability. They need to be able to process their vast emotions and NOT have us acting like a ping pong ball responding uncontrolled.

I love James 1:19-20:

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

When we are frustrated and angry, our responses are not going to bring about righteousness in our children. Being mad doesn’t teach our children anything except that “if Mom can fly off the handle, so can I.”

Be like Jello, absorb their emotions and frustrations, filtering them through prayer. If we can’t respond in LOVE, tell them we need to calm down and postpone response.

4. Be All There. Don’t Multitask.

Often times the root of our impatience is because we’re not “all there.” We are distracted, trying to do too much.

Today, be focused. Be “all there” with your children.

5. Start 15 Minutes Early

Possibly the most patience testing time for moms is when we are trying to transition our kids.

Out of bed. To school. Get homework done. To the car. To bed.

They always seem to move in slow motion. They forget things like – pants. It’s truly stunning the crazy things that cause friction during transition times.

Today, start extra early.

The Challenge

My challenge to you is to try these 5 steps for just 1 day.

Don’t try to make a permanent life change, yet. That would be overwhelming.

Make it a simple experiment to see how big of a difference these small things make.

You might find you’re an incredibly patient mom after all.

Do you struggle with patience like I do? What are some things you do to keep calm and carry on?

This has been key in my progress towards slowly becoming a more patient mom. (And it’s free.)

(This post is part of WFMW.)

Comments

  1. Thanks for the simplicity here. I know I tend to look for complicated solutions. Love the Jello best!
    Melissa recently posted…Welcome to Half Dozen MamaMy Profile

  2. Let me say that doing those things definitely helps me be more patient. Except for the water one, I probably don’t do the rest as often as I’d like to. The sleep is tough since there are few nights when I get uninterrupted sleep but I have been trying really hard to work on start 15 mins early…like if I have to be somewhere by a certain time, I take into account travel time, getting in/out of the car, and then the 15 minutes. Makes for happier travelers for sure. =p
    Joyce recently posted…Our Week in Photos Week 6 of 52My Profile

  3. I do struggle with patience. It is something I pray about and am always thinking about but still fail and struggle with daily. Thank you for the encouragement from your blog and tweets and I look forward to doing these simple things to become more patient with my little boy!

    • Tanks for the honest comments. I struggle with limited patience and dont know why. Today my son kicked me and I lost my patience and slap his foot on the top woth my hand and caught my leg too. It left a ted mark on my leg so I know ot was unclled for and hurt me more. I yelled and he yelled and cried back.

  4. all the things you listed are so true! I find that I have to set realistic expectations for them AND ME. The perfectionist in me sometimes places the bar way too high.

    I’ll take the challenge!
    Rusheika recently posted…An Intentional YearMy Profile

    • Rusheika,
      Me too! I think I sometimes treat my kids like short adults rather than young children with a lot to learn.

    • I totally agree w/ you! I struggle with patience when I set the bar WAY to high for the day and expect that I’m going to get x, y and z done, when in reality I will probably only get x done. And that is OK!! I need to give myself a break and set healthy expectations.

  5. It IS the simple things that make the biggest difference, isn’t it? Thanks for the reminder :)

  6. LOVED the ” Be “all there” with your children”! This is something I am working on and it completely fills my heart with joy! I see and hear things that I didn’t before! And also changing my perspective of the crazy things like the saline crackers that were crushed all over the chair this morning! =) They clean up. He’s three. I will miss those cracker crumbs when they are all grown and gone!! Thanks for a great post!

  7. This came at the right time. I just lost it this afternoon with my (sensitive-spirited) daughter who is now up in her room crying and pouting, but hopefully praying too…

    Here’s my thing. That “wall of jello” feels impossible. Sometimes I still feel like a sensitive little child myself, who just wants the people I’m around (my children) to do the reasonable and listen when I speak, clean up the things they made a mess of, and communicate respectfully. And when I don’t get that time after time after time, it starts to wear me down and eventually I lose it. I’ve been told my expectations are too high for children, but I really don’t know how to change my expectations.

    I feel like kids get a free pass to act out because they’re hungry, tired, immature, sinful, etc., but somehow I’m supposed to have conquered all that by the time I become a mom; yet I find the reverse is true. I have become aware of more things than ever that I need to grow in and I have an issue with anger that was never an issue until this season of life.

    I know. Nothing is impossible with God. Only the Holy Spirit can empower us to make these changes. And I have called out to Him. He prompted me to read and discuss I Corinthians 13 on this Valentine’s Day morning. I started us off well, and then it has seemed to crumble. Where is the Holy Spirit when I feel so disrespected by how my daughter is treating me that after correcting her calmly multiple times, I finally snap and give her a good, angry whack? It happens so quickly that sometimes I don’t even feel like I’ve made a choice – it’s more of a reaction than an actual thought-through response.

    Why is it that my children finally respond when I spank/threaten/etc., even though I don’t really want to rely on spanking to get them to obey? The gentle discipline folks assert that it reinforces to our kids that hitting is okay. But my kids lack of obedience until that point reinforces to me that that spanking/threats/etc. is the only thing that really works. And then I get to face the long term consequences of having obedient children who fear me more than love me…

    I just feel a lot of weight on my heart right now. If they knew how much I wanted to do right by them – how I want to usher them into the arms of Jesus at the youngest age possible so they could experience the best love ever and then turn around and share it freely. And how I’m so scared that I’m supposed to be the most important example of that to them and I’m failing… Satan sucks.

    I’m not sure how appropriate all this verbal vomit is on a public blog, but I’m thankful for the outlet none the less. I’m concerned that a few of my well-meaning, personal friends who haven’t made some of the same choices we have with our family (namely homeschooling) would judge those choices as being a huge part of our problem. And yet, we felt called to do it, so I press on…

    Thanks, Kat, for your always inspiring/encouraging/soul-searching posts. Blessings to you and yours.

    melanie

    • Melanie,
      I don’t know about other blogs, but honest, heartfelt verbal vomit is ALWAYS ok here!

      I don’t have a quick answer for you and I don’t imagine you expected me to. I will say, though, that over the past 3 years or so, God has done an amazing work in me and I am fully confident He wants to do the same in you.

      I know I talk about this all the time, but developing the habit if daily, intentional, purposeful time with Him ignited a “slow burn” revolution in me. And one by one, day by day things in my heart and then in my life have changed. But it all started by pushing myself further and further into His presence on a consistent basis.

      Sounds trite just like the other ideas in this post, but it absolutely works.

      I’ve also really been impacted by resources like Love and Logic, Mission of Motherhood, and PositiveParentingSolutions.com.

      None of these are a panacea, but small steps. I will be praying for you today Melanie. You are not alone.

      -Kat

    • I have to say as I started reading this comment I felt as if someone had read my mind and posted it on the internet!! We are also a homeschooling family. I didn’t know I had a problem with anger until the last few years. I’m even taking an anti-depressant now. Which helps, but I still have my days. Which tells me that yes medicine can help, but God is the only one that can take care of these problems. I have no patience. Today we started school and I had to tell them to wait a minute, lock myself in my room and pray for patience, b/c I was losing it. And we had only been doing school for about 5 minutes.
      I’m constantly trying to figure out new things to do to fix things. And most of the time they’re really complicated and I don’t stick with it.
      I feel as if my kids don’t respect me. I tell them over and over to do something and they look at me like I’m speaking spanish. And then go on doing what they were doing.
      My husband is a….well I wouldn’t say he’s an unbeliever, but we’re not on the same spiritual path which can make it difficult when trying to raise godly kids.
      I try to read Proverbs 31 everyday. I’m striving so hard to become a Proverbs 31 wife and mother and find myself failing alot.
      None of this was really helpful I’m sure…but just know you’re not alone. Maybe we can help each other out. My email is bridgetlee_823@hotmail.com if you ever need to talk.
      And Kat…great post!! Simple things!! I need to quit making everything so complicated!!! Your blog brings so much encouragement!!!

      • I, too, felt like someone read my mind and posted it on the internet…We have one left at home – he’s 14 – and I find myself frustrated beyond belief with him almost every day. EVERY DAY!! The frustration level in my family is almost out of control and I have no idea how to ‘fix it’. I am a ‘fixer’ by nature – not always a good thing – and this is just driving me nuts. I know I have to give it to Him. But i struggle.

        I like your ‘jello’ comment, but I struggle with it a bit. Why again does someone get a ‘free pass’ when they are being disrespectful and disobedient? HOW am I supposed to remain calm and unaffected by truly rude behavior? Again, I am dealing with a 14 year old. . . Although I understand he still needs ‘stability’ and a sense of order, but you would think by this time he would have been able to learn a little bit of self control, and my expectation of self control isn’t to much, or over the top, is it? Doesn’t one also have to learn that what they say truly does affect the behavior of the person they are talking to?

        I just feel like my whole life is spining a bit out of control and it makes me want to just lie down in bed until its time to get up to go to work. Not fun.

      • i totally feel the same way a lot of the times with my kids. my 5 year old has recently gone to school this fall and the level odf disrespectful comments that come from him has increased. i do however agree with Kat. The times that I am most consistant with my prayer and contemplation i am most calm patient and grateful. But given that I have a 3 month old there is really no such thing as consistancy in my house right now so I find myself praying “help” while I’m nursing the baby instead of listening to God in silence. The other thing that really helps me and has been helping a lot lately is realizing that GOD is in charge. And ultimately not only does HE take care of me but he also takes care of my kids. So they will be disrespectful sometimes and have a smart attitude. Sometimes they won’t obey, but just like God does with us, HE has ways of teaching and showing them that I know not of. EXample. My 5 year old swore to me that it was spring time this week and decided that he wanted to leave for school without his coat. (it was 22 degree out). I decided to give it to God and said “sure just put your coat in your bookbag just in case”. After walking to the care with nose and eys running and shivering in the car, he decided (himself) to put his coat on before he walked down the sidewalk to school.

        I cannnot and not expected to teach every lesson. My job is to let God do his work of taking care of my kids THROUGH ME. And when I take the time to pray and meditate. Even if its just asking God to use me today and declaring that I surrender my worries to him each day. The day and the kids just seem to “work out”. I’m patient. My corrections are done with love. And the stress level is way down. When I feel the stress coming back I remind myself that God does meet all our needs and thus my needs are met right now. There is nothing to worry about. All is well.

        thanks so much Kat for the blog. This is my first time on your site and I know i’ll be returining.
        Peace and blessing to all.

      • Kimberly C. says:

        Totally not alone! Thank you! Now I know I’m not alone, too! I’ll be praying for us all!! Thank you Kat and Keya for the great advice and reminders. Amazing how we overlook the obvious sometimes. And Keya, I liked the reminder that I’m not the kids’ only teacher. He uses me as one source but they have His full attention as well. I just need to do my part and give my day to Him.

    • If it helps to know I am standing EXACTLY in your shoes right now.. I am. I feel critical, judgmental, angry, impatient all the time and I know my “fruit” is sour. I need this challenge. I need a change of attitude; to realign my focus.; to breathe. I need to see things the way HE sees them and to have His words be my words. So far I’m not doing a great job mothering.. but I KNOW (even if right now I don’t feel) HIS GRACE (FOR ALL OF US) IS SUFFICIENT.
      Hang in there,

      • I am working on this right now too, and I’m just trying to take it one step at a time. I am instituting a household-wide “no yelling” policy. It is really much harder than one would think, if your family is anything like mine. Yesterday my 13yo stepdaughter missed the bus because she wouldn’t get up on time, and so I made her wait until her Dad got home from working 3rd shift for him to take her to school (we have 2 toddlers under 3), with an unexcused tardy. He backed me up, but came home and asked why didn’t I get her out of bed? I said I tried, every 10 minutes from 6:15 until 7 when she finally got up. He said, did you raise your voice at her? you have to raise your voice at her! I said no, I’m done with that. She’s going to have to learn to listen and obey with me in a normal tone of voice.

        I’m not perfect, and last night I still managed to lose my temper, but it felt good knowing that I know I am working on what I can do from my end to make ours a peaceful and fruitful home instead of strife and discontent.
        Mrs Lemon recently posted…its like a haiku- only more syllables- and more lines- and less structureMy Profile

      • thank you for your honesty ladies – I think more of us struggle with this than we realise…I still have my moments where I am less than proud of my actions but God is faithful and if I look back at where I was a few years back I can definatley see a positive change. Its only that I’ve committed it to him and I can see him working on my ‘mothering’. I read a quote once that helps me gain some perspective – “He who would have nothing to do with thorns must never attempt to gather roses”.

      • Great quote!

    • I wanted to respond to Melanie. A friend sent me this website and I just read this post for the first time, and your reply Melanie. I want to tell you that I really respect and admire your vulnerability and your honesty. You are definitely not alone! I am a Christian mom who is hoping to homeschool my two boys and I struggle with the same issues!

      I thought God was ignoring me for a long time, not helping at all with the anger issue, but I think he requires something of us first. Sort of what Kat said, about spending time with him daily – we have to make that the MOST important thing we do. I personally find that if I get up early, before the kids and spend my time with the Lord and praying – it really sets the mood for the day. Still I struggle, still sometimes I get angry and react to my children, but when that happens, I admit my sin, apologize and ask for their forgiveness. If nothing else, they are seeing a great model of repentance in that action! I know it’s hard, but hang in there. Keep praying, keep on seeking the Lord and I think over time, it will get easier. I am reading a great book right now that touched on “bad habits” – and as I was reading it – I was thinking of my “anger habit”. It talked about patience and realizing that even with God, sometimes we are called to wait, and old habits and sins don’t usually just disappear overnight. The book is called Authentic Faith and it’s by Gary Thomas – it’s awesome, I highly recommend it.

      Anyway, hope something I said will encourage you. I will pray for you. I feel your pain and I share your struggle.

      With love in Christ,
      Kirsten

    • Thank you, thank you for your honesty! I don’t have any answers for you (sorry, girlfriend!) but I am just so awed and thankful for your vulnerability.

      The struggle is the same in so many households. It’s nice to know that we are not alone in this. (And never alone because Christ is always upholding us).

      I have to give myself timeouts often. I apologize to my kids often. I believe that the decision to stay home and to homeschool is one way that God is refining me. I didn’t realize that anger was an issue for me before kids either!!

      I pray that you will find solutions that bring more peace and less anger in your household.

      • Oh… maybe I’ll add a couple of books that I have found helpful in my journey:

        Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
        Good and Angry Turansky and Miller
        How to Talk so Kids will Listen
        and Listen so Kids will Talk Faber & Mazlish
        … and am currently reading Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber & Mazlish
        Kristen recently posted…Doors wide openMy Profile

    • Melanie,

      I am struggling with the same EXACT issues with my three children. I felt a breakdown coming on yesterday over this very same issue. I am so glad to see that I’m not the only Mom who is going through this. This is definitely not a “misery loves company” reply.

      I asked the question yesterday, “Why can’t my children be like everyone else’s and not constantly argue with each other and call each other names??”

      It’s been so very frustrating to me and overwhelming lately.

      So glad I found this blog!

      I feel most of my problem is that I am always rushing and don’t feel that I am spending enough time with them. I work and when I come home it’s like the count down to get the kids fed, homework checked, and into bed. I would love to be a stay at home Mom, but unfortunately it’s not possible at this time.

      Thanks, Kat once again for this and Melanie hang in there. I will be praying for you as well as myself. :)

      • When we are going through a struggle we have a tendency to believe we are all alone. Your children are not the only ones who fight each other and call names. You are not the only Mom in the whole who has angry fits and lash out at your children. There are many out there, me included.

        I have been on this journey for a while now and what I have found out that works is to dwell on the Grace of God instead of the rule of the law. Instead of reading Proverbs 31 and trying to be that woman (have you thought that the whole chapter is about her WHOLE life and not about a year of her life. All the things described there were accomplished throughout her life span.) READ on what Jesus has accomplished for you: by His stripes you are healed, as He is you are, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, you are more than conqueror in Christ, you have the Holy Spirit in you who is meek and gentle etc etc… find those Scriptures, memorize them, think on them, speak them to yourself out loud… reinforce the positive, live by faith, believe for the impossible.

        I know it’s hard… but it has already been done for us, we need to rest in it and speak it out loud.

        One of the Moms said something about why the kids can have a free pass on their bad behavior…. I used to think that way, some days I still do, but then I remind myself of God’s GRACE. He gave me a free pass on all my sin, because Jesus paid the price for it, He took my place and the punishment for it, so I can have a free pass at God’s Grace and Mercy. The more I parent the more I understand Grace and how crazy it is. How the simple things of God really do confound the wise of this world. You got to receive it as a little child.

        The Angry and Good book really helped me. I read a ton of books but the only one that really helped me was this one because it showed me why I get angry and that it’s ok to be angry, it’s an emotion after all like sadness, happiness, etc.

        Another book that really helped me on this Grace walk is Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince. It has changed my life and slowly I am being stripped of the burden of the Law and living in God’s Grace for my life everyday.

        Hang in there… God created you to be the Mother of your children.

      • Thank you so much Tereza for your comment. What you said is so true. In a “Rome wasn’t built in one day” concept is something I really haven’t thought of before. I will be looking for both of those books. Once again, Thank you! :)

    • Tina Pendleton says:

      Melanie,
      I would like to recomend a book to you called “Raising Godly Tomatoes”. This book is truly a great parenting guide. Happy reading!
      Tina P.

      • I would highly recommend this book as well. But do be aware that you may find yourself feeling like you are “lacking” compared to the author — I guess because she probably is more consistent than I am in her parenting :) And I tend the analyze anything I read way more than I should – I might be over-thinking things! Anyway, she has some great thoughts on parenting and even has a section in the back called “Fixing Ourselves First”. Actually, just go to her website and you can read through everything that is in the book as well.

    • I identify with this too. Usually I flatter myself that I’m pretty patient — though I have to admit the real reason is that I only have one kid so far, not counting the one on the inside (who is always QUIET so doesn’t count). But today I was going nuts because my toddler always had to be touching me, constantly, but not in a snuggly way … in a climb-y, fidgety, pokey way. It drives me crazy and I just want to scream at him — even though he isn’t really being bad, just annoying!

      The one thing that helps me is to remember that I have to help myself too. How would I like my children to deal with their negative emotions? Shove them down under a rock and pretend they aren’t there? No, that’s not realistic. I’d ask them to be kind to themselves, to figure out things that make them feel better, and to try to pick themselves back up when they lose their cool. The same things I would recommend to someone else — step back from the situation, go to your room for a bit, stop doing anything else and just SIT for a moment without trying to react to anything — I should do myself. I can’t purge myself of all negative emotions any more than I can cure my family of them. But I can develop coping strategies that work for me.

      What helps me is to STOP talking, moving, reacting and just be quiet for a second. During that second, I try to think of how my son feels and what is causing him to do what’s upsetting me. Is he *trying* to frustrate me, or (more likely) just doing his own thing without realizing how it affects me? Is it reasonable for a kid his age to have these problems? What does he need from me? Is it more than I’m willing to give? (Sometimes it is! That’s okay.) And then I try to connect with him on some level — offering to read a book, suggesting we go fold laundry together or go outside or get out a different toy. I don’t pick things that will frustrate me and stress me out, but things that will help both of us feel more connected — which is usually snuggling on the couch with a book. A few minutes of that calms us both down a lot.

      And sometimes, when all I want is to whack my kid a good one, even though I know perfectly well he doesn’t deserve it and it won’t help (the times I’ve given into this, it HASN’T helped) I just walk away. I walk away and leave the room. My son flings himself at my bedroom door and screams. I know it’s not the best, but it is better than hitting him. So I take a few good deep breaths, center myself, decide on a course of action, and venture back out, hopefully a better mother than I went in.

      That may or may not help — like I said, I have only one child! But even if it doesn’t help a bit, keep in mind that it IS normal to have a hard time with patience. You never do grow out of feeling angry and frustrated!

    • Melanie

      Your post embodies all I feel and am.. I feel like I am on an emotional roller-coaster especially as I am on my own with my spouse deployed! I grew up with my Mother parentng the same way and I never realized until now how much it affected me. I feel compelled to ‘break the mold’ for the sake of my children. I want them to have a good, happy childhood but I constantly feel that I am failing them.

    • I have all these struggles, too. You’re not alone! I am having particular trouble with my newly 2 year old and feeling like such a terrible mother when I melt down because of her melt downs. The best thing I can say is try to take it one day at a time. Don’t let yesterday’s struggle bog you down before today even gets going. I can’t make it work every day, but it does help.
      Keeping Christ in the home is also key. We read scripture as a family daily, just 1 verse each, and I have noticed a difference.
      Keep trying, Melanie. We’re not perfect and He knows we are not. It’s in trying our best every time, no matter the number of times we feel like we have failed, that we learn how to be better.

    • Rochelle Beckerich says:

      This response to your post is coming almost two years after you posted your comments but I am SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU that I decided to respond anyways. It felt like I was reading something I could have written myself. Have you found any methods that have brought about patience and peace for you and your children? I’d love to hear any suggestions you might have.

    • Mom of twin boys says:

      Thank you for your honest and very heartfelt post. I know that it was posted a long time ago but I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one struggling.

      My boys drive me nuts sometimes. I have to repeat myself over and over again whereas their father only has to say something once. It’s frustrating to me and I think that is why I lose it most of the time. They know that they can push my buttons and they do.

      I made one of my sons cry this morning because I yelled at him for not knowing something. That was so incredibly wrong of me to do. I was frustrated making breakfast, helping one with his homework and packing lunches. I probably wold have had more patience if I wasn’t already running behind. It’s not their fault so why did I blow up at??? Ugh!!

      When I came home I called my Dad and cried to him because this isn’t the type of mother I want to be. I thought I wouldn’t want someone yelling at me for something so small why should I yell at my baby boy? After he calmed me down I googled how to be more patient with my kids and found this blog. I am so grateful to have found it. There is a part of me that assumes that all other moms are patient, calm and never have the issues that I have. I know that we are struggling to be better but it’s nice to know that I am not the only one going through the motions.

      Thanks for listening.

    • Shelia I totally understand how you feel, I have had tempers while growing up. i even took martial arts as adult but I stuggle and now that i’m married and have children my weakness is known more. I learned something through this hard ship of mine. I give love to children afterwards. I even aplogize for my angry out burst and but I let them know what i said was the truth but my outbursts was not christlike. We all have problems and weaknesses and let my kids know mine. All my kids have problems i only hope when they teens they won’t hate me. I hate spanking, first it hurts my shoulders, i’m not as strong as use to be anyways and they always fight which makes me mad. I found out a way that at least helps them be in shape and me not spanking. Jumping in one spot. In martail Arts they did this for strength to fly kick high in air. you jump knees up to high as you can. No bunny hops. Lighty land on the balls of your feet. thats a challenge. I have been doing jumping jacks because my kids struggle with jumps. They hate jumping jacks but they know it well now. I feel better knowing I don’t have to spank. I spank if it’s something like a sibling throws rocks at the other sibling in house. I have challenges still at bay dealing with emotional children and a child who a bit selfish and most of my kids say thinds out load to people and myself or their daddy that is not repectful and we have been teaching. I wonder if at times it’s something i’m doing that causes this. I do find out that my boys have been having problems at school. They also have visitions with their birth mother twise a month. She doesn’t say anything to them or talk to them. Just stares at them and demands kisses when she hasn’t spoken anything eles. My daughter says she doesn’t want to her mother but I know she changes her mind because she doesn’t want to hurt her. Even though her feelings run deep on all of them. Are we doing the right thing when she sits for an hour saying nothing to her kids. We just want our kids to make the choice for themselves but what about their emotional state. I’m stressed when I have asked them more then three times something or told them not do something and they do it again and again every day. I’m about to let it just happen so they will learn the hard way. I want them to head to eveything my husband and i say and it’s difficult whe they don’t follow through and When we reward them their so bad afterwards and makes us both sad. I tried rewards and worked but except the reward instead helping because they really want too. We want them to want too learn serve selfless even towards eachother they struggle with that. My husband says I’m the best mom for them. I hope i’m doing the right thing. My kids told me they love me. Why do i feel My anger, temper and weakness has gotten the better of me. i scare myself to be honset. I pray about it and hope god will give me strength through my weakness I endure everyday as parent, mother, guide. As wife my husband and I struggle not, we are best friends, he’s so calm and loves me. My kids drive me crazy. I hope I can be calm like my husband one day. I hope I speak soft like jesus it so hard so hard. I try and the time out for me doesn’t work. I will try the jello wall tommorow. Thats going to tough at first. I hope for the better.

    • You know what, if you ask god for patience, he’s not going to click his fingers and bestow patience on you, He will however give you the opportunities to learn patience and present you with constant choices where patience is the desired outcome, that is up to you! We constantly ask god for something, “Please god, let me be a better person.” “Please god, give me strength, or please god give me this or that or whatever” and we expect to wake up and low and behold we are bestowed with what we asked for, doesn’t happen!!! However, the opportunities for qualities are constantly presented to us, I am guilty of this, I ask god for forgiveness everyday for loosing my cool with my 14yr old son, who does not act much differently than my 3yr old son, and I ask my son for forgiveness as well, I yell and scream and smack, then i’m surprised when I catch him doing the same to his brother, what can I expect. But I am going to keep trying to be patient and continue, I hear you! I understand how you feel, you are not alone! But I realised I need to lead by example and making the right decisions when god presents me with the opportunity. Tomorrow is a new day, let’s begin!

    • Oh Melanie,
      I have just had almost an identical experience with my 13yo daughter this morning. Everything you wrote is mirroring my own heart today. I am now at work after smacking her in the head when she called me a name. I feel sick to my stomach and have asked God all morning for wisdom and strength, and finally got to this website on my break. Maybe this was God’s answer? To know I am not alone with this? Just know that you are not alone, what you wrote was eerily like what happens to me, I have to have faith that God will be there for when we fall. Now I just have to think of how to handle all this when I get home today. Think I will pray on my next break, too! lol My prayers are with you today, thanks for writing this today.
      Susan

  8. So. Good! Seriously, Kat. Maybe I have heard this before but I need constant reminding. I especially love the wall of jello thing! And no joke about starting 15 minutes early. It seems I get the most frustrated when I am trying to get everyone it the car. Awesome.
    Lara recently posted…what Janet Jackson taught me about love or notMy Profile

  9. Only by taking care of ourselves can we be the best parent we can be. Great list of things here!
    Bernice
    Living the Balanced Life recently posted…Is multitasking the key to productivityMy Profile

  10. What an excellent post, Kat, I will endeavour to put those into practice tomorrow!
    rachel recently posted…The Gruffalo To The RescueMy Profile

  11. What a completely fabulous kick-in-the-butt reminder! Thanks for this list- I think our whole family will be grateful for it! And for the record, you’re so right: I’ve heard these, know them, even own them. But rarely do them.

  12. Yes! I totally struggle with this, and your suggestions are right on. Especially the one about multi-tasking. I know that I lose my patience most often with my kids when I’m the one multi-tasking. So not fair to them; something I’m really working on. Now I’m off to go drink some water. . .

    Thanks for the tips!

    • I, too, have found the multi-tasking a big problem that sets me up for losing patience. And my 9yod commented recently that although she finds Mom to be the person she would like most to share all her ‘stuff’ with if she needed to talk, I don’t always make her feel that I am giving my full attention. ouch! I’m working on that area right now, trying to have more eye contact, put away/down/aside what I was working on, etc so that each of my 9 children feel that I am paying attention because they are important.

      And the sleep thing is still in the works. We have just started an evening time of meditation with lights off and candles lit at 9pm with the dc (whoever wants to) and it helps prep us for sleep. No computers for anybody after 9 whether they meditated or not, so that’s another thing to help prep for bed. I know its helped me get to sleep easier the last few nights, although a family bed still means I’m not sleeping thru the night. But that will come in time.
      Karen recently posted…Mt NEveRest Laundry part 2My Profile

  13. Oh, Kat. When I saw the title of this post, my breath caught in my throat, and I uttered a silent “Thank you, Lord!” in the depths of my heart. I, like Melanie, struggle so much in this area. I have three children, 4, 2, and 5 months. My eldest is in a stage of completely ignoring me. The 2 year-old copies everything her big sister does. We often end in tears at my house, and I hate it. I desperately want to have a peaceful home, but it just seems so…elusive. I want to model Christ-like behaviour for my girls, because in our house, I’m the only Christian parent. And yet, day after day after day, I fail. Massively. Reading Melanie’s comment made me want to hug her, because I know EXACTLY how that feels. I enjoy reading your blog, but more than that I respect and admire it. I am encouraged by each and every post, but this one touched me personally. Thank you for ministering to this weary mum!
    Sarah recently posted…Well hello thereMy Profile

  14. I tried to comment a few minutes ago, but think I may have deleted instead (multi-tasking :)
    But–I love this post and how practical it is….

    It also helps me to remember to “number my days”….meaning that no one knows how many days of life we have left, nor how many each of our children have (our daughter died in ’08). That kind of helps put things into perspective and refocuses me on how I want the kids to remember me (my words/demeanor) and also how precious each moment with them really is.

    Also helps to pray before I even see them…in those 15-pre-kiddo minutes. And to memorize verses like James 1:19 & 20 “…for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

    Finally–so make myself apologize and ask for forgiveness when I lose it. Just had to do that last Friday morning.
    Thanks for the post Kat.

    Kara’s latest blog http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/
    Kara recently posted…Theres Always Room for One MoreMy Profile

  15. thanks for posting…patience is something i almost always struggle about being a mom to a toddler + sometimes i just feel terrible when i lose it. i keep on reminding myself that of course my son has a patience of a toddler and i keep apologizing to him telling him mom has a patience of someone who’s only been a mom for 17 months and he really needs to be patient with me…
    jared’s mum recently posted…music monday- love song Live At The Fillmore by hansonMy Profile

  16. Amen, Sister! Wonderful post. So true. One of your best! XOX

  17. Thanks! I am going to re-read this before I start my day tomorrow. Thank you so much for all of your inspiration. This week, making the extra effort to do crunches and push-ups has really improved my energy level and thus my patience. I credit KAT for the inspiration to do them. :)
    tacy recently posted…New Project Update- Sallys Story on Vox LuminisMy Profile

  18. This is a GREAT, GREAT post!! I’ve actually been reciting James 1:19 to myself for several days now! LOL! I’m not a patient person and tend to get angry very easily. Especially lately – I have a two year old and a six month old who still wakes up 3-4 times a night to eat. Needless to say, I’m running on very little sleep. It’s SO hard for me to be cool, calm and collected when I’m so tired, but I feel like these steps, when you write them like this (very SIMPLY and matter-of-factly), are doable! Thanks for ANOTHER great post! Love this blog!
    Catie recently posted…Scrapbook SundayMy Profile

  19. WONDERFUL thoughts Kat. Thank you so much for sharing them. I couldn’t agree more. :)

    ~heidi
    p.s. I had some great feedback on a blog chat I started last week regarding anger.

  20. Love love love it! And sleep and water are HUGE for me! but also? My KIDS’ sleep is huge for me. If they for some reason have a tough night trying to go to sleep and I don’t get my “me” time in the eveing it’s amazing how much less patient I am the next day. Anyway, thanks for the post. There a re few things here I will put into practice tomorrow.

  21. Messy Wife says:

    I have only found your site these two days. I felt like it would be very helpful for me.

    I really like this post, most of them are simple “instructions”, involves just physical change which make it easy to try, well at least for one day. But when it comes to the Wall of Jello — isn’t it the whole point I’m reading this post? It’s because I could not control my temper that I want more patience? Or, perhaps, I’m just blind-sighted by my own problem and there is other areas that having that patience could help?

  22. Thanks Kat! Erik is away on business and I was tempted to stay up and watch tv after the girls went to bed last night for some “me time”, but knew I shouldn’t. I went to bed with them instead and am so glad I did! The baby had such a bad night that those first couple hours were the only good ones I got!

  23. When grumpiness sets in, I try to take a 10 to 15 minute mini-nap. I got that tip from another mother of 3 several years ago, and it really helps refresh me.

    These 5 reminders are so timely and helpful–and they explain why my week has not been going very well. Thanks for nudging us back toward simple wisdom, Kat.
    Julia recently posted…Mighty Good Molasses MuffinsMy Profile

  24. While we’re on the subject of “losing it”….
    Read this quote a few days ago and thought it was so good/true:
    “Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only show me what am ill-tempered man I am.” ~C.S. Lewis

    Latest post: There are Rats in My Cellar
    Kara recently posted…There Are Rats in My CellarMy Profile

  25. Hello, just found your blog through Lois (http://www.thoughtsalonglifeshighway.com/). This is a helpful post and has such good ideas. I am guilty of the “playing games til late to relax” myth and definitely don’t drink enough water. Two simple changes, that might make a big difference. Strange how sometimes, someone else has to point out what should be obvious!
    As for the rest… I try to be patient and show my son the way to be a good person. I do try to listen, but often I am trying to think of/do too many things at once and he doesn’t get my full attention. I will try harder!
    I love the “wall of jello” idea. It’s not easy, but I will try harder!
    I already try to leave extra time, to avoid frustration. Not always successful, but I’ll keep at it!
    Thank you for the inspiration. And to others who comment on how hard it is – yes, being a grown-up is not easy, nor is being a parent. Keep doing your best, keep prayerful, don’t give up – we all know it isn’t easy and no person is perfect. Do your best (because, as Roly Poly Olie says “that’s the best you can do”!).
    Another tip I find helpful, is “Pick your arguments”. Sometimes, for everyone’s sake, it is better to let something go. You don’t need to pick up on every tiny transgression – it only causes massive stress for all involved and your child constantly feels hounded – not a good recipe for great parent/child relationships! Some things are not so hugely important and some are – Pick your Arguments!

  26. Oh, Melanie…just like Bridget said, I’m right there with ya on this one. It’s so hard. It is hard for me with our four kids (one snotty 13yr old, a strong-willed 7yr old, and two mischievous preschoolers). You want to talk about disrespect? Mine are SO disrespectful – to ME. To my husband they are perfect, which really annoys me. Especially when he says, “I don’t know what YOUR problem is, they never do that with ME.” Ugh. I find myself hollering every time I need something done and they still ignore me. I don’t know what the solution is, either, but I envy those moms that “started from day one” with their kids and have total patience and receive utmost respect. I can tell you that I started out wrong. I made many, many mistakes and I know that’s what has brought us to this point…things like “stop or I’ll say stop again”…lol. Now it is seemingly impossible to fix it. The worst part is, I see my kids treating each other like we do and I fast-forward into the future and see them repeating the cycle with their kids. Not good. Not good at all. I pray and I seek help through Biblical child-rearing principles, but nothing has worked. At least it’s nice to know there are others in the same boat.

    Bless you all,
    Kelly

  27. I love you!
    Great checklist for parents — thanks for spelling it out.
    My #6: eat some protein! Skipping meals makes mamas snippy. You can eat a spoonful of peanut butter or a piece of cheese or jerky or a handful of nuts in less than 30 seconds and feel better within 5 minutes.
    SAHMmy Says recently posted…Crisis Cleaning- 1 Day 1 House 2 KidsMy Profile

  28. What a great checklist. Thanks for this post… it was something that I needed to be reminded of today.

  29. Thanks for the great ideas and reminders. I’m going to put them to test.
    Robin recently posted…All the cool kidsMy Profile

  30. Love the jello wall concept!
    alexa recently posted…WOYW Wednesday 16 FebruaryMy Profile

  31. Just a quick little note to say “Hang in there Everyone!” I’d like to give you all a pat on the back and point out that just by reading this post and leaving comments you are showing how much you care about your kids and how you TRY each and every day to be the best you can be FOR them. So in my book, you ALL get gold stars for the day! Kat – you get two for writing the post (thanks)!

    As for me, I’m going to be LIME jello today and wake up my kids 10 minutes early so we’re not yelling at each other while we are walking out the door!

  32. Thank you, Kat, for these great tips! I’m going to try them today!

    One more tip to being more patient with our children is summed up in this quote, “No good parenting happens after 8 p.m.”

    This is especially true of our younger children. Of course, it is linked to our being tired, but I realized our daughter became irrational and especially disobedient after 8 p.m. Once we made a commitment to have her in bed by 8:00, I noticed she and I were both happier. It also allows for time to focus on our older son, who doesn’t even begin to open up until the later hours. Our topics of conversation are not age-appropriate for our daughter, so it is vital to have this time with him. And, of course, once they are both in bed (9:00 sharp!), it’s time for just hubby and me!

    Consistent bed times are another idea for helping us be more patient. I never thought I’d be a mom that operates on such a tight schedule, and I really don’t in many other areas, but bedtimes are non-negotiable!

  33. Oh, I needed this! Great advice. ~K

  34. I so struggle with patience…thanks for the great tips. I’m going to try these this week. I think the jello one is where I need the most work…and the multitasking…I’m always multitasking.

  35. Thank you for this post…and all the comments! It is good to know I am not alone!! I often stay up too late to have some ‘me time’ and consequently start the next day late which frustrates me before my kiddos are even awake. I’m working on weeding out the things that keep me up and/or distract me during the day. The ‘wall of Jello’ idea is interesting. I have a hard time dealing with the emotional swings my kiddos experience but I’ve recently been reading about recognizing the validity of their emotions…even if it is not ok for them to be angry/sad/etc about a particular situation if I first empathize with them the correcting goes easier and I stay calmer. Easy to write, not so easy to stick with. Being a ‘good parent’ is not somewhere you arrive, it is a process always changing as we learn more and seasons of life change. I pray often that God will make me the mom He wants me to be and will raise up my kiddos to their full potential in spite of my failures. And I pray the same for those who have commented here facing similar struggles. Be blessed.

  36. I too can completely relate to what Melanie said. I wake up every morning with a heart full of good intentions and often, eyes fixed on Jesus, and somewhere in the middle of breakfast little foxes creep into my vineyard (reference in Song of Solomon somewhere) and steal my grapes! Two things have been very helpful for me this year in learning to keep my patience, especially when baby number 3 joined us (and my oldest is 4):

    1. Mentally taking a step back and asking, “What am I stressed about? Is it actually important?” (usually it has something to do with a clean house or being in a rush to get somewhere, both of which are not that important and can often be done quicker when I am cheerful with my kids).
    2. Remembering that my job description is to DISCIPLE my kids and that they haven’t arrived yet…and never will. It takes the edge of when they do this…AGAIN, or that…AGAIN, or the other thing…AGAIN. Of course they do! Why do I keep expecting them to have arrived at obedience/willing heart/cheerful-giving perfection when often I am still none of those things?! Why am I surprised that they have sin natures? Of course they do! This is slowly, but surely, helping me become a more gracious, less reactive mom. Emphasis on the slowly.

    I am so thankful God is totally into completing the good work he has begun…in me, and in all of us.

  37. Thank you! I really needed to hear that. I’ve been stuggling with my bad parenting and often sit in bed crying while pondering my days events. I REALLY hate myself when my 2 year old loses it and I, in turn lose it right along with her. She doesn’t deserve my reaction and I didn’t know how to stop myself from reacting, until now. I will defintely be doing your 5 step challenge, starting now! My kids deserve a kinder, more attentive, and stable parent. When I got married I read a lot about how to make my marriage happy and last forever, and one of the things I learned was to never expect something out of my spouse that I wasn’t willing to do/give or wasn’t myself. I just never thought about applying that to my relationship with my kids too. But now that I think about it, it reallys makes sense. Thanks again for this inspirational article.

  38. Thanks for this. I often put additional burdens on my sinful heart, forgetting that sleep, fluids, focus, timing can all help prevent the situation in the first place.
    I never realized quite how selfish I was until I had kids. Now I’m trying to figure out the balance of modeling and teaching a Christ-like selflessness to my kidlets. It’s not easy…but then most things that are really worth it aren’t :-)
    Rebecca recently posted…How to Plan- Part 1- Weekly ScheduleMy Profile

  39. Funny that this was this weekends post and I’m just reading it now on Monday. My toddler was truly testing my pregnant patience today – all morning and going into and during nap. Luckily I was able to “tune him out” during his nap time in order to recalibrate and recenter myself before I need to get him.

  40. Wow! This post is a God-send!
    I love a checklist! Can’t wait to try it out!

  41. I feel myself turning into a monster when I’m sleep-deprived! Thanks for the simple reminders. :)

  42. Kat,today I was angry with them for:
    Taking too much time to get out the door
    Being annoying when I was on my phone sending a text
    Irritated with them b/c I was anxious to get to work….

    You reminded me today to be like jello. I will give that a try!
    Thanks so much :)

  43. Wish I were patient ALL of the time, but I really struggle in that department. Thanks for reminding me how to stack the deck in my favor! I love it so much I am putting it in my Saturday Link Love post!

  44. any advise for dealing with a totally disrespectful Supremely emotional 23 year old child? My DD has become more rude and disrespectful as she has gotten older, screaming at grandparents, and starting fights here at my home with me, I actually told her to leave my home and not come back until she apologises for her actions, now she denies it ever happened. Scary thing is , now she is expecting..

  45. Amen!! Seriously, the transition times! I’m thinking in my head, “I’m on FIRE today! He’ll get to preschool early!”

    By the time my key turns in the ignition 20 minutes have evaporated – poof!

    Ok off to get my rest :)

  46. Oh my, this post spoke to my heart this evening. I hopped over from Simple Mom and am so glad :-) I will try your steps beginning tonight, winding down to go to bed early at the moment! Thanks for the tips!
    Lindsey recently posted…Juevos On Toast- Quick Easy &amp Dairy-FreeMy Profile

  47. jello … meaning just aborb you childs emotions?.. and not get frustrasted when she screams all hours of the day and night… im a new mom to a 2 month ol dbby girl and she screams and cries all teh time. ive treid really hard not to be mean and annoyred with her. but it is frustrating being a mother and not being able to fx my childs pain. ive treid everyhing. nothng really works, i give gas medicine and everyting it works forabout 20 min. then its back to her screaming. this screming is beyond crying. she screams so much her voice is hoarse…. what should i do? ive already went to her dr. he said she was fine. but im her mom and i honestly dont belive that my child is “fine’ BABIES CRY YES they do not scream for days . and nothing you do subsides them .. please help..

    • This sounds like infant reflux…you’re in my prayers tonight.
      Rebecca recently posted…Home Management Un-BinderMy Profile

    • Hailey,

      While I never suffered with my own children, my nephew had colic HORRIBLY and I remember my poor sister-and-law nearly losing her mind with him crying all the time. He would do just what you described — barely taking long enough breaks to catch his own breath, let alone her catch her own. I remember she would call me and just be crying out on her deck, while I could hear him screaming inside. She has no more children to this day because of it; he is a 7yr old only child. I can tell you, you can walk away for a little bit and let your baby cry. As long as she is safe, changed/clean, fed, and all else is well. It hurts to not be able to fix it, I know. Like another commenter said, it very well could be infant reflux. If so, they can prescribe medication. If you are not confident in your pediatrician’s diagnosis, or lack thereof, then I would suggest a second opinion. See if there might be a pediatric gastrointestinal specialist. The hospital where you delivered would be a good resource to suggest one in your area. I hope, for your sake, you AND your baby can get relief. I know that it does get better. My nephew is the apple of his parents’ eye and a sweet little guy. I just know that my sister-in-law loves him dearly, but that time when he was newborn was almost all she could take. I’m so sorry – you are in my prayers tonight as well. Take care and rest when you can. Take small breaks for yourself whenever you are able! Even just for a few minutes at a time.

    • It could be acid reflux and medicine may help…my son had a minor case when he was an infant and the spitting up SUCKS and lasted until he was well over a year old.

      But my best advice is to take her to a chiropractor who adjusts newborns. Sometimes that’s all that they need and it helps align everything and make her body back to it’s pre-birth state. Think about it, giving birth for you is traumatic on your body and you have to take care of yourself afterwards. It’s also traumatic on the baby’s little body. I’ve heard amazing stories of babies in the NICU being adjusted and making miraculous turnarounds and doing much better!

      An infant massage may help as well. There are wonderful people who have a passion for little ones who will massage that little girl’s belly to help if acid reflux is the problem…or other places to find the problem elsewhere.

      I’m planning on taking my little girl to the chiropractor just after she is born if we are dealing with anything like colic or acid reflux or spitting up.

      Hope you can find a solution Hailey! Hang in there…it won’t last forever!!

      • Hailey,
        My daughter was like this when she was an infant. We would pass her from one person to another. It can drive you to the end of your wits. We tried everything, thinking it was gas or reflux, or the wrong formula. Then my brother suggested we wrap her snuggly in her receiving blanket and lay her in her crib facing the bumper (just a few inches from it). I wanted to cuddle and hold her, but it turns out that this was overstimulating to her and she needed a quiet, dark room. She’s now 11…and too many activities (especially outside the home) makes her grumpy. She still needs regular down-times at home where she is free to relax by herself. Suprisingly, she is now my most affectionate child and likes to snuggle up next to me on the couch. I pray that God will help you find what works to settle your daughter.
        -Deb

    • Christy says:

      Oh Hailey, I was right where you are! My infant son screamed nonstop — if he was awake, he was wailing. We passed him back and forth, walked, rocked, drove, bounced, fed, changed, prayed, cried — nothing worked. Then one night in desperation we tried playing every cd we owned, one after the other. When we got to a random Johnny Cash cd someone had given us, our son stopped crying and listened as if mesmerized. Don’t know whether it was the deep tone of Johnny’s voice, the guitar, or what, but you’d better believe we ran out and snatched up every Johnny Cash cd we could find! He continued to fall asleep to Johnny Cash for years, and it was a huge joke in the church nursery because he always wanted the children to join him in singing “Folsom Prison Blues!”. I am praying for you tonight, Hailey — God will make a way for you to get through this!

  48. Kat, there is a gold mine of information here. I especially like your advice about keeping cool when the kids loose it. My words and actions have the power to strengthen or calm the tornado of emotions! I want my words to stabilize the already unstable air.

    Thank you for this!

  49. Daniel Farrow says:

    Kat,

    You’ve hit on some great keys. Not only for parenting your children but for growing in Christ. James 1:19-20 is the best way to learn how to love people who are hard to love in the body of Christ and even outside of the body of believers. Blessings to you for sharing wisdom from God’s Word.

  50. my wife posted your link on FB. i am actually a stay at home dad. not sure if everyone agrees with a man in that role, but it where God has us right now. this post was great for me to read. it is basic but often times our failures happen when we avoid the basics. my brother called me yesterday when he saw a father being harsh with his children somewhere in public. he called to praise me for being a gentle father, but he might not know how i really am with my kids. fatigue and fear of not finishing some task often play a big part in how i treat my kids. today, i will try to be present and make sure that they know that they matter, that their misplaced toy being found matters more than the laundry getting done. soli deo gloria.

  51. I’ve mastered the sleep and water, sometimes even the 15 minutes early. .. But my not jello. I’ll be working on that one day at a time! But not in my upped arms- those j can’t stand to bs jello!!:)

  52. the list is perfect… thanks for sharing

  53. This is something I really needed to read today! I’ve recently become a SAHM and I’m finding myself being extremely impatient with my toddler. She is 22 months and having a hard time adjusting to having a new baby sister who is almost a month old. She has begun her tantrums and is reverting back in some very baby-ish behavior and has become extremely needy. It is very frustrating most days because I’m trying to tend to a newborn and keep the house in decent condition and she will follow me around crying asking for a bottle or wanting to be held. Before I had the baby she wasn’t like this. So I find myself raising my voice on a regular basis with her and losing my patience when she acts out or gets into something she’s not supposed to. I feel bad b/c it seems like all my interactions with her throughout the day are mostly negative. I want to change this so I’m really going to try these tips. I also stay up too late and don’t get enough sleep. With a newborn I shouldn’t be compounding the lack of sleep by staying up past midnight every night! I also need to drink more water! Thanks for the post!

  54. I did not understand the Jello part at first. But the other day, my eight-year-old son showed me. I did not remember what was the cause, I am sure I thought I had reasons, I was yelling to my oldest child. He went right to his room and closed the door. I was not happy with him running off like that. So, I ran up the stairs and open the door… and find him reading the Bible! Sometimes, God use the least expected teacher.

  55. WOW! I found this from Ann V’s blog…I recently wrote something similar—God is speaking!

    http://curiousgeorgi.blogspot.com/2011/05/five-things-that-make-or-break-your-day.html

  56. Codey J. Brumbaugh says:

    This is my first time reading this blog, or any blog for that matter. It is encouraging to hear other honest believers out there sharing their lives and struggles.
    I had a question… I would very much like to try these things, but I am a bar tender and obviously work very late hours. I know my schedule would be easier with a different job, but that is not going to happen for a while at least. How do I do my life even though I’m exhausted and there is not much I can do about it?

  57. It was very encouraging to see other Moms struggling with the same issues. I have 4 children 8 y.o. and under and yes, we homeschool. I think that my children are the vehicles the Lord is using to change me. I have tried everything… recently what has really been working is a few of your 5 steps and praying for self-control. I realized that I couldn’t ask my children to do things like be respectful and exercise self-control if I couldn’t do it either. So now we pray together and remind each other of what we need to do. When we are getting upset, or beginning to yell or lose it, we remind each other gently ” to calm down” or ” Mom, you are starting to sound angry.” It’s been helpful. I am catching myself instead of going full blown into a tantrum of anger. Another thing that has helped me is to NOT think that my children are trying to purposefully make me mad. They are children. I also picture Jesus on the cross saying “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.” So, I try to do the same.
    Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done, but so worth it. :)

  58. I love this blog! God had to have sent me here this morning! I”m not a patient person or able to get up early and i’m late for everything! I’m going to be making some changes with my habits! Thanks KATT! Everyone if you need some mary kay products check out my website, you can order and it’s sent directly to you from the company! Thanks! http://www.marykay.com/abonner78

  59. Jennifer says:

    I just did a google search of “how to have more paitence with your kids” and it led me here. I am a single mom of 4 year old twin boys. Oy! While they are such blessing, I have been so incredibly inpaitent with them the last 2 years. I am sitting here in my cubicle wanting to run get them from preschool, hug them, and apologize profusely for losing my temper this morning. I HAVE TO figure out a way to have more patience. Poo really does run downhill and I know that is what’s happening. I LOVE the idea posted earlier of implementing a “no yell zone”. My kids will love this. I think i am going to get some poster board tonight and put it up. Thanks for listening. Feeling like a really crappy mom today.

  60. This is fantastic! So do-able and very true…thanks for the reminder!
    Sharla recently posted…Muffin Tin MondayMy Profile

  61. Yep! One does neglect the fact that a person cannot outdo all tasks in a jiffy. One does have to choose the best one to prioritize and make do of it one at a time. Never overdo your efforts as it leads to being confused and hot tempered. A big yes on this tip you have!
    :)
    Jan Jan recently posted…autorentMy Profile

  62. A person needs to understand that he/she is a human. Not a robot that can do multi tasking at a second interval. A person would surely overload if one overdo the things that would take a human being time to discern the outcome. It would surely mess things up.
    Janjing recently posted…Medical AssistantMy Profile

  63. I would add my own observation: Don´t try to loose weight and be patient at one time. If you are hungry, you can not keep calm.

  64. Great post, and very simple tips for doing one of the hardest thing in motherhood: keeping your cool. I have a much easier time of it now that baby #4 has joined our family, but I remember when babies #1 and #2 were very young, I had a huge crisis with that. The absorbing thing is great advice and something most moms learn to do, over time.

  65. I love the be all there part! I have been known to text and “play” with my kids before GUILTY!
    Katie @ Imperfect People recently posted…I used to be coolMy Profile

    • Katie,
      Oh, me too! My goal is to really look my kids in the eye when I’m playing with them and talking to them. It helps me to see their adorable little faces and remember that they are SO much more important than that text or email I was about to send.

  66. This list is great. You’re right it’s obvious but how many of us do all of these things. Not many I guess. I accept the challenge! I think the hardest part for me is the slow to speak bit. I need to pray that verse more. Thank you for this post!
    Lisa recently posted…Feeling GrayMy Profile

  67. Kat, I’m going through my “weekend links” posts from the past year, and I realized that I shared THIS POST twice. Clearly, I loved it A LOT! :) Happy New Year!
    Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect recently posted…What I Watched in 2011My Profile

  68. This post just appeared on my Facebook wall and I am so thankful. Like Melanie and a few other moms paring, this is a huge struggle in our house. I’ve prayed so many times for a change by the holy spirit and yet I still battle this. I even just took a 10 day mommy vacation and within 24 hours of being home, it was back to “normal” in our house. Not a normal I want. I do need to remember to bury myself in God and do these 5 things. I want our house to become a home of peace for do many reasons and the biggest being that we are adding another precious little blessing in late August. This can not go on.

    Thank you so very much for sharing. I’m going to give this the 24 hour try. I’m thankful we haven’t even had breakfast yet. :-)

  69. This is a GREAT simplistic article. I so wish I could accomplish step 1. Baby #2 is 3 months old… and I didn’t sleep more than 4 hours at night while pregnant with him. I know all the above steps make me a better mom – and LOTS of prayer. Whew… prayer Lord.

  70. Colleen says:

    Thank you for posting this. I searched having patience with your kids and this came up first. I read it and was inspired. It’s so simple, but you forget how important all those simple things are. The reminder is greatly appreciated.

  71. Thank you so much for this post. I feel like a horrible mother when I lose my cool and get impatient. The water thing could be the problem. I also need to make sure I’m “Checking in” with Him during the day and try not to hold my son to high expectations. He’s only 3!

    • Ashley, Yes, checking in with Him is great. I forget that they’re just kids sometimes too. :/ We just keep working at it.

  72. I have so much guilt over how impatient and frustrated I get with my kids. I have a 3.5 year old, a 2 year old, and a 6 month old…all girls! They are cute as can be, sweet, fun….. but for whatever reason, I find myself in a constant battle over how I react to my kids. Having 3 kids in 3 years has pushed me to my MAX in terms of patience. I feel like I’m just barely hanging on and when my kids do something messy or naughty or disobedient, it pushes me over the edge and I react so quickly and aggressively. They are so little! I absolutely ADORE my girls….but as time goes by I’m finding myself more and more frustrated and quick to anger. My dad was like that when I was growing up. Easily frustrated, quick to yell at us and make us feel so small and insignificant. I do NOT want my girls to feel around me the way I felt around my dad…ever! I feel trapped. I’m a stay at home mom. My husband works but we don’t make a lot of money. I don’t get out of the house very often. I try my best to keep the house clean, but in a matter of minutes it can all come undone. I don’t know what to do with myself. I read one comment from a woman who said that she didn’t feel like her reactions were a choice because they happen so quickly….I feel the same exact way. I feel as though I’m failing my kids……abject failure, as my mom would say. How do I get rid of the guilt? How do I change this monster inside of me that could be encoded in my DNA? My 3 year old is starting to act out. She is a sensitive child and I think that she’s just riding the wave of my emotions right now….and that is SOOO wrong! I want to be a stable, warm, loving, patient mama to her. And I used to be…until we had our 3rd baby. I’m not handling the pressure of being a mom, a wife to a man who often acts like a child himself (sorry honey), of running a house that’s constantly falling apart, constant threats to our financial stability…I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I got here. I never had anger problems before in my life. Now I wonder if I should seek counseling. I wonder if I’m bipolar. I wonder if I should be on anti-depressants, because I’m always tip-toeing the line between sanity and depression. I’m just a mess. Sorry for rambling….. I don’t have anyone I can talk to or confide in.

    • Amber,

      I don’t normally spend time on this site, I just can’t find the time it seems, but I happened to see your comment and I wanted to reply. I have felt exactly the same way with my kids. Pray, be in God’s word daily, only God can change you. You are wanting to change – that is the first step. Also, forgive yourself. Like you said, you are probably this way because it is the way you were “wired” because of the way you were treated as a child. Also, make sure when you mess up, you apologize and ask your kids for forgiveness. I know that’s hard to do when they are very little, but it’s easier as they get older. I know it’s hard and you are not alone. Kids are the toughest job we’ll ever have! And there is never enough time to get everything done around the house and yes, they are always making a mess!! Realize that THIS IS A SEASON!!! God has given you these children to raise and right now, that is your most important task! Forget the cleaning, ignore the laundry – do what you can, I know that’s easier said than done, but remember what your top priority is – your girls!!! I will pray for you. I get so frustrated and angry myself, but you just have to keep trying and keep praying!! Use scripture about anger, post it around your house! Try to think before you react. God will help you become the mama and wife you desire to be – and I will be praying for you!! God bless you sister!

      • Kirsten,
        Thank you for sharing your incredible words of wisdom with Amber. You said everything I was going to say, only better.

        Thank you.

    • Amber,
      I have great hope for you…I know it’s so hard right now, but your honesty and desire to change speaks very highly of you!

      Kirsten answered you so well, there isn’t much for me to add other than to recommend that if you’re not already involved in a local church, do what you can to find one. Having a support group and a source of spiritual encouragement can have a huge impact.

      If you don’t already have it, download this prayer calendar for moms. I often pray these things for myself as well as my kids. It’s a great, simple place to start:

      http://www.inspiredtoaction.com/wp-content/uploads/kat/I2A_Prayer_Calendar.pdf

      I’m praying for you today, Amber. You are not alone.

      -Kat

    • Amber,

      There have been many times when I have felt like this. Esp those days with a young baby, and having 2 other little ones. It can be draining. Praying that you will take Kristen and Kat’s words to heart. This is definitely a season of life…a tough season, not without bumps along the way. I have found lots of encouragement and community online, but I agree with Kat that if you can, find a church nearby that can support you. The days seem long, but take it a step at a time. I will be praying for you.

    • When I read the Duggars’ first book (they have 19 children and Michelle Duggar looks to be the sweetest most gentle Mom in the whole world) I remember reading a section where Michelle said that when her husband got home she would be in tears after spending all day with 5 children 5 y.o. and under. Now why do you think that is?? She probably wasn’t the most gentle and calm Mom then. She was probably having a hard time with her little ones like we are. Some people can have more outward expressions of their frustrations by saying words, or screaming and others will just hold it in and be in silent anger, or depressed and cry all the time. The cause is all the same: frustration with our inability to control our circumstances.

      I, too had a father who expressed a lot of anger not screaming but raising his voice and putting us down. I can see I am different from him because I can see the sin in my life. But when I am frustrated I am one of those Mom that says things that I regret. :(

      We got to remember that this too will pass. WE need to focus on who we are in Christ and not dwell in guilt and condemnation. Even when the enemy or you tell yourself how horrible you are, remember that you are loved by God and a new creation in Christ. All things work out together for your good.

      In the meantime, SIMPLIFY your life. Don’t strife for PERFECTION. Go with the flow. I know it’s easier said than done, BUT don’t try to have a clean house, just enough so it’s liveable. I promise you you can do this. Enjoy your kids. In a few years, the house will be looking better because they will know how to put their toys up and the dirty laundry in the hamper.

      hey the other day I realized my oldest who is 9 is helping me so much: she will coordinate and lead the others to pick up the house, she can unload the dishwasher, she knows how to put the clothes in the dryer for me, she can fold clothes, set the table, even cook simple things like toast and scramble eggs. She helps me so much. And it may not seem like much but when you have little ones that you have to chase around and change diapers and you have a 9 y.o. that is taking care of the laundry or breakfast for you. That is a LOT!!! (and I remember not long ago she was my fit thrower and I would throw a fit with her because I felt so helpless that I couldn’t control her! And before she was born I had NEVER raised my voice in my life. I had NEVER had an anger FIT in my life!) yes, your children will stretch you and make you better. My DD9 knows why we need Jesus. We are all sinners and fallen short of God’s glory.

      So, ease your heart! No one expects you to have a clean and perfect house. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Rely on God for what you can’t do and remember this season will pass. The reason we can endure the winter is because we know spring is coming! Jesus is your Refuge!!

      Blessings sis!
      tereza

      PS if you have friends or family to help our, ASK for help. Sometimes just having another person in the house watching the kids with you so you can easily move around and do chores help. I NEVER had that. My family lives in Brazil and I don’t have close or available friends that would do that for me, BUT when my parents come to visit for 2 or 3 months at a time, my MOM will do that for me. She will clean my house, she will watch my kids, she will give me foot rubs. She is such an inspiration to me. She is a testimony of servanthood and that life comes in season. So when she is here I enjoy her fellowship and a “break” because when she leaves I go back to my normal of doing just enough to survive until this season of life changes again. Have faith!

  73. I’m the grandmother and have no patience. So sad and am heartbroken that I fail my grandchildren so many times with my quick temper. I couldn’t sleep tonight praying about my afternoon with them as I babysat and lost my temper a couple times. I guess I tried to do too much today with them….dress-up in butterfly and girly stuff, pirate dress-up, building a fire and making s’mores, doing homework, fixing snacks, changing diapers, sneaking in a load of laundry, chasing a beautiful 2 year old girl around the property while trying to pay attention to the 6 year old who wanted me to video some more. Whew!!! I prayed for God to give me another chance tomorrow to be the light they so need, the precious light of Jesus. <

  74. First of thanks for this blog! I’m loving this entry and how you got a discussion going on something that seems so simple, but yet we as humans try to make it harder than it seems.

    To all the parents doubting whether their a good parent or not, please STOP! If your kids are still alive and breathing (and screaming their heads off) your doing the best job you can do. Of course, you probably realize you can do a better job at becoming a better parent, but take it one day at a time, or one second at a time. Patience isn’t born. We learn it every day. Hope this helps someone. God bless!

  75. I am homeschooling for the first time this year with a 6yo son. I have a daughter who is almost 4 who is always yelling at her brother….unfortunately, I see so much of myself in her and I really hate that. We just moved to a new city where I have no friends and no family and my husband is working second shift and getting home after midnight most nights. My husband supports our home school, but I have absolutely no outside support from family. Over the holiday, my MIL actually told me that she doesn’t agree with homeschooling, but tried really hard convince me that she supports me…as a person I guess… I don’t know how you can support someone when you are totally against what they are doing. My son is an amazing and bright child…he has a LOT of energy, but I have been told that is how boys are. ( I have only ever been around my sisters and nieces so this is my first up close experience with a little boy.)

    I feel like my whole family thinks that we are ruining our children. My MIL suggests every time she sees me that I should put my son in a “real school” because she is convinced it will somehow ” solve” his “energy problem” the thing is, if you get him one on one, he totally calms down and is a completely different kid…but they don’t see any of that… His energy keeps me busy and has made me loose my cool on too many occasions to count. With no support from close family, and no friends here I can really talk to, it was nice to find this post and see all of the comments. It helps me remember that I’m not alone…and as one poster said, this season will pass…and I am sure I will miss it. Thank you for the helpful suggestions!

  76. Thank you so much for posting this. I pray every night that I can be more patient with my two year old son. He is still a baby (which I forget sometimes because he has a brother who is one year younger) and I expect way too much from him. Your post is certainly an answer to my prayers, as it full of great advice and is a gentle reminder that I am not alone with the day to day struggles of being a good mom (or trying my hardest to be!). Thank you so much!

  77. These (so-called) simplistic tips are ever so true! Bless your heart! Thanks a million!

  78. Laughing, because it’s all true. This is an aid for my son and I.

  79. I loved reading every bit of this! Im a mom of a 7 year old boy and 2 year old twin boys who will be turning 3 next month. IM a stay at home mom and housewife, my 7 year old goes to school and I stay home with the twins. It seems I’ve lost my patience lately because my twins like to climb things like the counters, the washer and dryer, the couch etc…they also like to get into the fridge and pour a gallon of milk everywhere and constantly eat whatever they find in the fridge! I get so frustrated because they won’t listen when I tell them no! Or time out doesn’t work! I scream and tell and say things I don’t mean, for instance I usually say I just wanna run away I don’t like saying these things around my kids I won’t them to know I want to be here for them and IM never going anywhere, my 7 year old fights with me about everything he never minds me either. IM overwhelmed with the way I’ve been handling things and their father gets more frustrated then I do with them, he says he doesn’t like to be the bad guy, but they mind him better then me. They think IM joking when I tell them to stop or go to bed or get out of that or quit doing this, lately I’ve been trying to do better, reading all if this on this page has given me something to look toward to trying and to become a better mom. I also get stressed because I never have time to myself, my husband works and when he gets home he is too tired to deal with kids for me to have a break, also we really don’t have family for the kids to go spend time with and for me to have a break, so I have the kids 24/7. Daycare is too expensive. IM looking toward to having more patience and sometimes let go of all the stress and aggravation and just play with the kids build blocks and play games, thank you for all the advice!

  80. Simplistic and yet so effective! Shame, I need constant reminders! Bless your heart! Keep up the good work! XX

  81. Thank you. Thank you for posting this. I really need this. I will pray that the Lord will guide me everyday as I take care of my 1yr old baby and husband. I was very depressed and angry and overwhelmed as a first time mom. I always loose my patience and yell at times. :(

  82. Great .i needed this

  83. i believe we all a commom factor which is, we r on a deperate quest to be moms after God´s own heart. For me, dis is an answer to my prayer. My 2 yr old is always scared bc i constantly yell and spank her. Some times i feel i might injure her. But bc we we turned aside to dis blog like Moses did at d burning bush i know we r on our way to victory over impatience. Kat, u r a blessing indeed. U r comforting us with d same comfort u have recieved from the Lord. More grace to u. And to my fellow moms, see u on top cos dats where we r meant to be.

  84. This was helpful thank you

  85. Samantha M. Sun says:

    Simple yet hits home and it’s something that can be done now…great advice – thanks!

  86. hillary sabala says:

    I want to truly thank you for your bravery in speaking openly about the inner struggles of mothering. I have felt so guilty and alone about my frustrations. Thank you so very much. I feel like I can do this now knowing I am not alone.

    • You are definitely not alone Hillary. I’m so glad you found encouragement here. I hope you’ll come back often!

  87. I just saw this post and have to agree with your perspective here. I think the biggest thing that helps me to have more patience with my now 4 year old son is remembering that he’s new here. He has to have time to learn how things work in this life without me constantly pressuring him to be and do more than he currently possesses the capacity for.

    Also, routines and doing things earlier than I would normally do them really does help, as does warning him of upcoming transitions instead of just springing them on him at the last minute.

  88. I thank you focus on the family for helping us.im a single mum but my problem is that i find it so hard to rais a child on my own,some of the things that she does which makes me angry :cries for me when im busy,at night doesn’t want to sleep in her bed and starts to cry and make noise while others are sleeping.overall im a christian and i want to raise her up in a godly way please help me mother she’s only 1yr old and i love her:-) thank you god bless you.

  89. I can not tell you how much this article has helped me. Yes, most of it was common sense, but how often do I do the opposite of common sense?! I especially found 3 to be so helpful. I have definitely been a ping pong ball on more than one occasion and feel shame after because I know it is not what God wants for me and my children. Your words have made a difference in our home! Thank you so much!

  90. “cannot be complete without Christ at the center.”….Hmmm… my life is complete and Chris is not at the center. Just sayin’ :)

  91. I like the suggestion of not multi-tasking. It is proven that it doesn’t work! Instead of doing one thing well, you do many things sort of okay.

  92. I love this! I’m going yo do my best to try these steps. I have a baby that still walls during the night so sleep is my #1 problem. I’m so tired of getting angry at my 3 yr old so easily. Half the time I end up feeling like I’m mad at her got acting like a child, silly thing because she is one! I don’t want jet to have a mommy she thinks is angry at her all the time!

    • What a blessing it has been in the 10 minutes that I have been reading on this blog to me and my calling as a mother. I am a former special education teacher which required much patience and compassion, yet as a mother of a 14 month old and 2 year old (turning 3 in December) I feel as though I lack patience and just lose it sometimes. My son (2 year old) is extremely energetic and from the time he rises until he lays down, he is non-stop. I am a stay-at-home mother and my husband works a very strenuous over night schedule that places him in a position to not be able to help me 4 days and nights of the week, but then he has 3 days/nights off. We are also not in an area where we are near family or have the luxury of just getting someone to relieve me/us for a moment. Needless to say, I do find myself lacking sleep, not getting enough to eat or drink throughout the day, and REPENTING and asking my son for forgiveness after flipping out. I have convinced myself that he is not the type of child that you can just speak to and prompt verbally to obey a command. He seems to respond best to “tough love” i.e. getting a pow pow (just two pops on his leg) or aggressive infliction of my voice i.e. yelling. I am SOOOOOOO tired of doing this day in and day out. I am a true prayer warrior and spend time praying over my children aloud at bedtime. I pray the scriptures over them and over my husband and I as well. I pray to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit…to imitate Christ…to be lead by the Holy Spirit…to let my mind be in Christ…to purge me with hyssop. I’m sure you all get my point. HOWEVER; a new day comes bringing new mercies and around 3pm I get to the point where I am tired all over again of feeling like a broken record with my son, or watching the flames behind him as he zips through my home non-stop. This blog has truly helped me tremendously especially the mothers who were not ashamed to admit that they love Jesus, yet they lash out and say things that they regret later. Mind you, I don’t curse or say worldly things, but none-the-less, I frequently say “you are plucking my last nerve” or “is it possible for you to listen and obey”, and worse of all “why is it that you can’t seem to obey unless I’m yelling or spanking your butt butt” HONESTLY I HATE THIS and I don’t want either of my babies to lash out or demonstrate anger to others because of how they see me. Where these posts have helped tremendously, I would love to know how mothers with older children have turned out as a result of their lashing out moments when their children were toddlers. I firmly believe that power of life and death resides in the tongue, so I try not to say things that could potentially bring something negative to life. If I come to your mind, I would greatly appreciate your lifting me up in prayer along with my family.

      It truly was a blessing to my soul to read the posts of godly Spirit filled, Jesus loving mothers. Thank you Kat for bringing us together!

  93. THANK YOU! I needed to read this and already bookmarked it. It has been a dream of mine forever to be a mama and it wasn’t supposed to even happen. I have an amazing 2 year old boy who was a complete natural miracle and a dream come true! I feel like I have always been the most patient person and have been a preschool teacher for years. I lost my mom a few months ago and have obviously been stressed and grieving and super depressed and finding myself an angry, irritated person out of nowhere. I feel tremendous guilt right after I get frustrated and all these suggestions you gave completely hit home with me! I keep telling myself not to feel guilty about the past and that I can only move forward. He’s very smart and has been testing me lately. He definitely knows when I am in a rush and that’s when he gives me the hardest time. All great suggestions. I can’t wait to really work at these things and start tomorrow. Thanks again :) Liz

  94. I took the advice from starting fifteen minutes before my kids get up in mornings. I’ve changed a lot and seen that i don’t get angry much anymore in the mornings. I still get upset at other times but it’s not easy to be a parent. I’m just glad my kids love me as if I was their birth mother and raised them. I remember how difficult it was for a while being called Julia and not mom. I didn’t force it but after taking care of them so much by fall I desired in my heart to be called mom no matter what because i knew them and they never had a real mother but i knew things take time. i have three kids but two of my kids were very sick in November last year and I remember we didn’t have health insurance and I felt god lead me and guide me and walk beside me and teach me what to do. I remember how my stayed home mom took care of me and siblings when we were sick. I got cool water in bowel and towels and dipped and squeezed and put on my two children heads and chests until the fever went down and asked some men in my church to come give give my children a blessing to heal them and after that day everything changed with my kids. Because of that experience they knew what a mother really was. Their birth mother never lend a hand to help them when they were sick, Jesse did everything and she wasn’t always like that but she made a choice and followed a different path. Jesse was both daddy and mommy and never any help from his wife. Savannah told me she never had relationship with her mother. Savannah and I are closer then with her mother. Now that I have been their mother for over a year now I know God knew they needed me and I needed them. A lot people tell me how I could do that because women can, we are born that way and that’s why women are mothers it’s a gift whether we gave birth or not as soon as i tended the kids before I was married and after. We fought for kids in foster care and won them back so they could be at home again safe and sound. So now are kids are happy we are whole again that’s was important and they will never forget that we fought for them and that god knew and answered our prayers as well as theirs, So people don’t realize that being a step parent and raising them doesn’t mean you cannot know your children well but you can because you were meant to be their mother only you. My parents never sat talked one on one. I know for fact that I was suppose to be with my Jesse and our kids right now. Savannah growing up she 13 soon in January 2014. She needed me during this time and she’s grown so much though being teen with ADHD is not easy she tries my patience but she’s easier then her brothers one with Epliphisy ( can’t spell that word well) and one with a learning disability trouble speaking so he use to throw tempers a lot because he couldn’t say how he felt but acted which can be bad, he’s better then a eight months ago. I have a good relationship with my boys. What brought my boys and I close was kissing them goodnight and telling them stories from my own imagination. My kids remember all my stories. They never got hugs and kissed from their mother, just daddy. So nights are really special for our kids and I they will do it for kids I know it. They watch me a lot so much, It’s just funny how much they watch me that’s why i think Jaylan is starting to get mad because he watches me. I told him when he gets angry he needs to say marshmallow. It works so far, He emotional like me, but at least I talk one on one with him maybe that will help as he moves into his teens. Savannah as made her choice not see her mother unless it’s a holiday or birthday because her mother doesn’t talk to Savannah much and talks to others at park then her daughter Savannah wasn’t happy about that day. when they do she can’t talk to her, plus she doesn’t talk at all or she asks the same things but not about Savannah. This is her hour with them she could even decide where to go with the kids like to zoo but she is not me. Our kids are getting bored even in hour visitation. The boys play at park and she doesn’t interact with them. I tired to tell her nicely they want their mother but the thing is I can’t change her. I do believe if she wanted to see them more often she would get better mentally and get doctors note but she stills also lies to us and to her own kids. Savannah is hurt and i told her mother give her time. I never thought Savannah would ever be the one to stop seeing her mother. At Visitation i had them color half the time with mother but it wasn’t any different and still no talking to her boys and the boys got bored and they didn’t pay any attention to her after that. I told Jesse we should drop it down the thirty-minutes if they continue to act this way. My boys are telling me they want the park not their mother. Jesse see’s now what I’ve been telling him for months. There will be time Where she will not see her kids unless it’s a major holiday or birthday. She told us she’s getting married and wants the kids in January 2014. Jesse believed her i didn’t because she lied about moving in with a friend and about living with roommate that was man and found out at those places where mentally ill people stay the room with women if your women. I can’t believe i believed her and she got the kids excited too and we happy for her but it was huge lie upon lie after that i didn’t trust her. Jesse wanted to believe her i guess until she told him again she was telling news like he didn’t know “I’m getting married ” and he said he knows a certain voice tone after been married for ten years to her when she’s not herself but not well and believes she see it in her unreality which means in her other world she is but not right now. That’s why he left her is because she was crazy and their kids gotten taken away because of her. I feel sorry for her to a certain point but i will protect my kids too, but it makes me sad that she’s not taking her meds when she suppose to and getting help to get better. We tried to encourage even her kids. She’s lying now because Savannah doesn’t want to see her. I told Savannah but with warning if grandma her mother’s mom brings up the wedding in December then you know it’s true. I know Savannah will never want to see her when she find’s it is false again. Savannah has had enough of her lying to her and her brothers and her hurt has gone on long enough she’s hurt and i see it. As a mother I’m teaching her what kind of mother do you want to be. Savannah lied a lot when I first was married to Jesse and the boys followed but now she is changed and it’s taken a lot of work just to be truthful and gain trust from us and her brothers have gotten better in the last six months. I trust her more “That saying a lot after a year”. I’m so proud of my kids for enduring and wanting to change I try to speak as if jesus were there in our home and what would Jesus do, would he kick his brother? that sort of thing. Talk about change my boys are so reverent in church and they are nine and they don’t fight or talk and they don’t even draw. I accidentally forgot my bag for coloring a couple times and I was surprised how well they behaved and Jesse said they don’t need it. so we have seen such growth with our kids. Though one time i was sick and the boys were bad. I keep order and my husband goes work and I take care of things at home so he doesn’t worry. I love my kids and sometimes pretty much everyday there is problems with my kids who knew lol. I do my best and keep pressing onward with faith I can do all things in him who believes in him and has faith.

  95. I took the advice from starting fifteen minutes before my kids get up in mornings. I’ve changed a lot and seen that i don’t get angry much anymore in the mornings. I still get upset at other times but it’s not easy to be a parent. I’m just glad my kids love me as if I was their birth mother and raised them. I have three kids but two of my kids were very sick in November last year and I remember we didn’t have health insurance and I felt god lead me and guide me and walk beside me and teach me what to do. I remember how my stayed home mom took care of me and siblings when we were sick. I got cool water in bowel and towels and dipped and squeezed and put on my two children heads and chests until the fever went down and asked some men in my church to come give give my children a blessing to heal them and after that day everything changed with my kids. Because of that experience they knew what a mother really was. Their birth mother never lend a hand to help them when they were sick, Jesse did everything and she wasn’t always like that but she made a choice and followed a different path. Jesse was both daddy and mommy and never any help from his wife. Savannah told me she never had relationship with her mother. Savannah and I are closer then with her mother. Now that I have been their mother for over a year now I know God knew they needed me and I needed them. A lot people tell me how I could do that because women can, we are born that way and that’s why women are mothers it’s a gift whether we gave birth or not as soon as i tended the kids before I was married and after. We fought for kids in foster care and won them back so they could be at home again safe and sound. So people don’t realize that being a step parent and raising them doesn’t mean you cannot know your children well but you can because you were meant to be their mother only you. Savannah growing up she 13 soon in January 2014. She needed me during this time and she’s grown so much though being teen with ADHD is not easy she tries my patience but she’s easier then her brothers have learning disabilities. What brought my boys and I close was kissing them goodnight and telling them stories from my own imagination. My kids remember all my stories. They never got hugs and kissed from their mother, just daddy. So nights are really special for our kids and I they will do it for kids I know it. Savannah as made her choice not see her mother unless it’s a holiday or birthday because her mother doesn’t talk to Savannah much and talks to others at park then her daughter Savannah wasn’t happy about that day. when they do she can’t talk to her, plus she doesn’t talk at all or she asks the same things but not about Savannah. This is her hour with them she could even decide where to go with the kids like to zoo but she is not me. Our kids are getting bored even in hour visitation. The boys play at park and she doesn’t interact with them. I tired to tell her nicely they want their mother but the thing is I can’t change her. I do believe if she wanted to see them more often she would get better mentally and get doctors note but she stills also lies to us and to her own kids. Savannah is hurt and i told her mother give her time. I never thought Savannah would ever be the one to stop seeing her mother. At Visitation i had them color half the time with mother but it wasn’t any different and still no talking to her boys and the boys got bored and they didn’t pay any attention to her after that. I told Jesse we should drop it down the thirty-minutes if they continue to act this way. My boys are telling me they want the park not their mother. Jesse see’s now what I’ve been telling him for months. There will be time Where she will not see her kids unless it’s a major holiday or birthday. She told us she’s getting married and wants the kids in January 2014. Jesse believed her i didn’t because she lied about moving in with a friend and about living with roommate that was man and found out at those places where mentally ill people stay the room with women if your women. I can’t believe i believed her and she got the kids excited too and we happy for her but it was huge lie upon lie after that i didn’t trust her. Jesse wanted to believe her i guess until she told him again she was telling news like he didn’t know “I’m getting married ” and he said he knows a certain voice tone after been married for ten years to her when she’s not herself but not well and believes she see it in her unreality which means in her other world she is but not right now. That’s why he left her is because she was crazy and their kids gotten taken away because of her. I feel sorry for her to a certain point but i will protect my kids too, but it makes me sad that she’s not taking her meds when she suppose to and getting help to get better. We tried to encourage even her kids. She’s lying now because Savannah doesn’t want to see her. I told Savannah but with warning if grandma her mother’s mom brings up the wedding in December then you know it’s true. I know Savannah will never want to see her when she find’s it is false again. Savannah has had enough of her lying to her and her brothers and her hurt has gone on long enough she’s hurt and i see it. As a mother I’m teaching her what kind of mother do you want to be. Savannah lied a lot when I first was married to Jesse and the boys followed but now she is changed and it’s taken a lot of work just to be truthful and gain trust from us and her brothers have gotten better in the last six months. I trust her more “That saying a lot after a year”. I’m so proud of my kids for enduring and wanting to change I try to speak as if jesus were there in our home and what would Jesus do, would he kick his brother? that sort of thing. Talk about change my boys are so reverent in church and they are nine and they don’t fight or talk and they don’t even draw. I accidentally forgot my bag for coloring a couple times and I was surprised how well they behaved and Jesse said they don’t need it. so we have seen such growth with our kids. I love my kids and sometimes pretty much everyday there is problems with my kids who knew lol. I do my best and keep pressing onward with faith I can do all things in him who believes in him and has faith.

  96. What if they won’t sleep!! And are screaming through the night and your neighbors are complaining. And I have an interview tommorrow? Any advice on that!?

  97. I think i am doing good enough in managing my patience with my 2 kids. But i need advise in managing my patience with their daddy. He challenged my patience more than the kids!

  98. Bradley Speck says:

    After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM } tel.+2347053977842) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or

  99. Sallie Serpas says:

    Thank you for this !!!

  100. You know what, if you ask god for patience, he’s not going to click his fingers and bestow patience on you, He will however give you the opportunities to learn patience and present you with constant choices where patience is the desired outcome, that is up to you! We constantly ask god for something, “Please god, let me be a better person.” “Please god, give me strength, or please god give me this or that or whatever” and we expect to wake up and low and behold we are bestowed with what we asked for, doesn’t happen!!! However, the opportunities for qualities are constantly presented to us, I am guilty of this, I ask god for forgiveness everyday for loosing my cool with my 14yr old son, who does not act much differently than my 3yr old son, and I ask my son for forgiveness as well, I yell and scream and smack, then i’m surprised when I catch him doing the same to his brother, what can I expect. But I am going to keep trying to be patient and continue, I hear you! I understand how you feel, you are not alone! But I realised I need to lead by example and making the right decisions when god presents me with the opportunity. Tomorrow is a new day, let’s begin!

  101. I’m delighted to have found your blog via Pinterest and your “How to be a more patient mom in just 24 hours”.

  102. I think I need to work on the 15 minutes early. It’s a good idea, and it’s so hard when you want them to enjoy every last minute of the playground, or sleep, or whatever it is. But I hate rushing her and it so often ends up bad. Thanks for the tips.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sarah Thacker, Kristen Tonne, Kat @Inspired2Action, CassandraStafford, Kat @Inspired2Action and others. Kat @Inspired2Action said: New post: "How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours" – http://ow.ly/3W3gi [...]

  2. [...] accountability partner.  (“Mommy, you’re not supposed to yell at me!”)   I saw this post recently, basically about self-care to become a more patient mother in 24 hours, and while [...]

  3. [...] to Action has a post about being a more patient mom.  I find what what she is saying is so true, but I find that it’s not just fluid intake that [...]

  4. [...] recently posted this…How to be a More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours…the title caught my eye. Check out the entire post, but here’s the main [...]

  5. [...] comes hard for me, so when I saw Kat’s post How To Be a More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours I had to see what it was about!  Wise words, there. photo credit: Huzzah [...]

  6. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours @ Inspired to Action – Five ideas on how to find patience – this is important when we’re dealing with kids with no backup. [...]

  7. [...] I need this. Oh how I need this:::: How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours [...]

  8. [...] post on being a more patient mom in 24 hours was a great reminder that the little decisions I make everyday can move mountains over [...]

  9. [...] How to be a more patient Mom – Though I’m not impatient per se, I do get annoyed with little things… guess that means I’m impatient!!  We tend to think that impatient is a major attitude but it is really our niggling reaction to any small thing – right up to a frustration tantrum (yes, mums’ we can throw frustration tantrums!!).  I thought this list of tips is well worth listening to – advice worth following. [...]

  10. [...] How To Be a More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours @ Inspired to Action reminded me that sometimes multitasking has consequences! [...]

  11. [...] How to Be a More Patient Mom in just 24 Hours at Inspired to Action [...]

  12. [...] timing is everything. Today was perfect timing for me to come upon an article by Kat at Inspired to Action.  The tips are all simple things-common sense things–that we ought to already know but [...]

  13. [...] timing is everything. Today was perfect timing for me to come upon an article by Kat at Inspired to Action.  The tips are all simple things-common sense things–that we ought to already know but [...]

  14. [...] timing is everything. Today was perfect timing for me to come upon an article by Kat at Inspired to Action.  The tips are all simple things-common sense things–that we ought to already know but [...]

  15. [...] timing is everything. Today was perfect timing for me to come upon an article by Kat at Inspired to Action.  The tips are all simple things-common sense things–that we ought to already know but [...]

  16. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours — Inspired To Action [...]

  17. [...] I recently read an interesting post Brandy linked to about being a more patient mom. It was called How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours. The author had some great suggestions with which I completely agree.  Brandy also added one on [...]

  18. [...] are some great ideas from Ideas to Action on how to become a more patient mother.  I think we could all use a little encouragement in this [...]

  19. [...] on this morning when I am praying to be a peacemaker, I’m thinking of Kat’s wise parenting advice I recently read: When we respond poorly to our children’s emotions (with anger, frustration, [...]

  20. [...] Stay tuned this week as other Front Porch writers share their “end of year” traditions. (And please comment and share your own!) [...]

  21. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom In Just 24 Hours by Inspired into Action [...]

  22. [...] How to be a more patient parent in 24 hours @InspiredtoAction finance kids links parenting patience recommended reads work from home [...]

  23. [...] How to be a better mom in just 24 hours @ Inspired to Action children kids life moms motherhood parenting recommended reads [...]

  24. [...] enjoyed and found helpful and you might too… Learning to think like a child @ Steady Mom How to be a more patient mom in just 24 hours @ Inspired to Action Why and how to become a morning person @ Motherhood. Your Way. Building the [...]

  25. [...] to come, is to be more jello-like in my parenting. It’s a phrase a friend passed on from this site, and it’s so, so true. If we’re 10 minutes late in the morning, then we’re 10 [...]

  26. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours — Inspired To Action. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this post. [...]

  27. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours — Inspired To Action. This entry was posted in Fellowship. Bookmark the permalink. ← Mike Pearl’s new book at a discount and Freebies to go with it [...]

  28. [...] How To Be A More Patient Mom In Just 24 Hours @ Inspired To Action {Great suggestions…take them seriously!  I know I need to!} [...]

  29. [...] How to be a more patient mom in just 24 hours :: Inspired to Action [...]

  30. [...] r t i c l e s How to Be a More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours | Inspired to Action The Habit of a Mother Who Changes the World | A Holy Experience Thoughts on [...]

  31. [...] Patience is definitely a virtue. Here are 12 ways to be a more patient mom in just 24 hours. [...]

  32. [...] got lost down the blog rabbit hole today.  I started by following this link from my friend Chelsea’s awesome blog… because her entry, and then the article, [...]

  33. [...] this post…lots of wisdom and tips here!  How To Be A More Patient Mom In Just 24 Hours by Kat of Inspired to [...]

  34. […] following steps are straight from Inspired to Actions blog and you can find the challenge directly HERE. These are in no way my thoughts, or words. I would like to thank Kat over at Inspired to Action […]

  35. […] following steps are straight from Inspired to Actions blog and you can find the challenge directly HERE. These are in no way my thoughts, or words. I would like to thank Kat over at Inspired to Action […]

Web Analytics