My Story. Part 1.

By August 3, 2010General

I’ve shared bits and pieces of my story, but I thought I’d give you a little more insight into this motherhood journey of mine in the hope that it will encourage and inspire you as a mom.

The Hand Clapping Game

I was 24 years old, sitting in a sandwich shop with our Sunday School class after church. I don’t remember what I ate, who I talked to or what I heard, but I vividly remember what I saw.

I saw my Sunday School teacher, Cindy, and her 9 year old daughter sitting on her lap playing a hand clapping game. You know the ones. You rhyme, you clap, you giggle and laugh.

I watched and even after 24 years, my heart…ached.

My Mother

I never knew my mother. She died when I was only a few months old. I never knew what it was like to sit in her lap or play hand clapping games. I never dressed up in her clothes as a little girl. I never had an argument with her and I never gave her a hug.

In my mind I had the perfect mother, though. I put together the bits and pieces that my dad and grandparents shared about her and wove that together with my own dreams. She was beautiful and gracious. She loved Jesus and her family. She was kind and gentle and giving. She could sing like an angel.

She does sing like an angel…

I clung to everything that was hers. My dad said she liked pears. Pears were my favorite-est fruit ever, in-the-whole-wide-world. I had a fancy lotion jar that was hers. I’d open it for a sniff and close it as fast as I could, afraid my connection to her would fade with the scent.

The mother-daughter relationship – it seemed like such a mystery to me. I was the outsider looking in and dreaming. As a little girl, I’d see mothers and daughters talking or playing together and I was so jealous. l wanted to know what it would be like to play a hand clapping game with someone called Mommy.

My little heart ached a lot.

He Saw Every Ache…and He Knew

And then…

It’s as if He’d been whispering to me all along, “Just wait, my girl. Have I got something special for you. Just wait.”

When I grew up, my sweet, precious, ever-faithful, ever-watching, ever-knowing Redeemer gave me not one, but two little girls.

And we play hand clapping games. And they call me Mommy.

And I am thankful.

A Word for You

Isn’t it funny how someone I never knew has shaped so much of who I am? The mere mention of her name brings misty wetness to the eyes of this grown, 34 year old woman.

A mother’s impact in her child’s life is profound. Never ever doubt or forget this.

What you are doing matters. It matters deeply.

You are not just a mother.

You are a Mother.

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Comments

45 Comments

  • Avatar Emma says:

    Thank you for posting this. It’s a beautiful reminder.

    • Avatar Kat says:

      You’re welcome Emma, thanks for being the first to comment on a post that felt particularly personal. I appreciate your words of encouragement.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this Kat. It brought a little wetness to my 34 year old eyes!

    It must have been hard. I’m so glad you have two lovely girls to call you Mom. What a gift!

    I feel so important when I read your blog! Thanks for lifting up mothers everywhere!

    • Avatar Kat says:

      “I feel so important when I read your blog! ” That is definitely the best compliment I’ve ever gotten as a blogger…

  • Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. It is amazing how people who don’t know or have never met can inspire us, encourage us, grow us.

  • Kat, what a beautiful post. Yes, He heard you and knew the deepest desires of your heart.

    I’m so pleased you have two little girls who call you Mommy!

  • Avatar Tara says:

    Kat, I can relate somewhat to your post today. My dad died when I was four years old, and even though I never REALLY knew him, I have memories cobbled together from stories others have told. And he’s perfect in my mind.

    My passion for scrapbooking and recording my children’s stories and my dreams for them came from not having anything from my dad.

  • Avatar Sonia says:

    Thanks for the beautiful post! My Mom’s Mom died when my Mom was 12 so she never got to know her past childhood. You’ve reminded me how thankful I am to have my Mom in my life and to know her as an adult!

  • Avatar Krista says:

    What a beautiful post. Hugging my mom and babies super tight today : )

  • Avatar Leigh says:

    Oh, Kat – thank you for sharing this, and thank you for your words of encouragement to US!

  • Avatar Shelly Gambrell (my2zs) says:

    I came across your blog a few days ago through a friend who retweeted one of your posts. Didn’t realize I needed your inspiration, but HE certainly did! You’ve already blessed my life tremendously!!!

  • Avatar natalie says:

    Redeemer…. Good word for today… Thanks Kat

  • What a beautiful and powerful story. Sounds like the image of the mother and the child playing together inspired something that was already in you — “motherly love.” Your dad and grandma sure did a great job in making you feel loved. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Thank you! {{{HUGS}}} PS You are an AMAZING Mother!

  • Avatar Lisa H says:

    This is a very special post, Kat! What a beautiful testimony.

    Thanks for sharing your heart. 🙂

  • Avatar Maggie says:

    What an amazing reminder. Thanks for blessing me with this encouragement!

  • Avatar taylor says:

    Oh I am crying. Thank you for posting this!!!

  • Avatar reba says:

    I love your story. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us. I never knew my mother either. I was adopted. (I know it’s not the same) I had two wonderful adoptive parents, but there has always been some connection missing and when the Lord gave me a baby it healed that part of me. God is so good to us. He’s given me four babies just to make sure I’m good to go! Ha! Thanks for the reminder that my job is important. Sometimes it is hard to remember but I’m determined to Practice Remembering it!

  • Avatar Melissa says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. The Lord redeemed my rocky, bad childhood by giving me a husband who is rock solid in his love for me, and two beautiful little girls. In many ways, He has used them to save me. He is AMAZING! Thank you, so much, for sharing.

  • Avatar Stacey says:

    Thanks for sharing your heart. I needed this encouragement today. My twins are sick and their bedtimes have been a disaster – I was so exhausted. Then I read your post and what a great reminder of the awesome blessing I have in being their mother!

  • Thank you. I have been struggling with whether or not I’m doing a good enough job, whether or not the cleaning can wait, etc. and that line “what you are doing matters. it matters deeply” just sent me over the edge and into waterworks. Thank you for that. it DOES matter and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else but mothering my children! Thanks!

  • Avatar AshleyF says:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your words were an encouragement to me today. A reminder that I am doing a good job at being a mommy. And my child also gave me such a precious reminder of that today too. My oldest daughter was singing praises to God. It was such an encouragement to me to know that what I am doing, and teaching her is changing her little 3 year old life forever! And that even though I think somedays she can’t hear what I am saying to her at all she shows me that she is listening and soaking it all in to her heart.

  • Avatar Leah says:

    oh i needed this post so much right now..thank you so much….i have been HORRIBLE to my three year old daughter lately..just out of sorts…after having a miscarriage and just feeling really awful about myself and i know i’ve been a horrible mother..yelling..screaming…snappish and just awful..thank you for the reminder that i make such an impression on her and i need to be the mother she deserves!

  • Avatar Rose in Ohio (@RoseMillsOhio) says:

    Sweet, lovely, and oh, so touching reminder. I’m going to go hug my great big high school son now, and he will think I’ve gone ’round the bend, but he’ll hug me back like he always does. Just because I’m his Mother.

  • Avatar Natalie says:

    Kat,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s a wonderful reminder- of our impact as moms AND His goodness!

  • Avatar Shawn says:

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’ so interesting to hear perspective on your Mom.

  • Avatar Mama Zen says:

    This is so moving. Thank you!

  • Avatar Janet says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

  • Thank you for sharing this Kat. It explains so much about your deep desire to be the best mom that you can be.

  • Avatar Chrissy says:

    This makes me cry. I feel your ache, but mine comes from not being a mommy.

  • Avatar Southern Gal says:

    This is so powerful. Here from the email I received. I am one who downloaded your last ebook. I need help with the habit. So I may join up with the others. Thank you.

  • Avatar Kerri says:

    Thank you for being so transparent!! God is so good…and your testimony is such an inspiring reminder!!

  • My friend just sent me a link to this blog, and I just love it! I especially love the Motherhood Mission Statement concept. This is just an encouragement and inspiration to women! Thank you for helping us “live with flair!” http://www.livewithflair.blogspot.com/

  • Avatar Joseph Nally says:

    Same story for me, but with father. And it wasn’t hand clapping, it was playing in the yard.

  • Avatar Katie says:

    Kat, I lost my mom 6 years ago when I was 20, and I just gave birth to my first child, a little girl. Not the exact same story, I know, but I can very much relate to the sadness of a missing mother-daughter connection at this otherwise happy time. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • Avatar Kathleen says:

    Kat, I am so moved by your story. I lost my mom 5 years ago when I was 9months pregnant with my 3rd child. I never stop missing her and I am certain that no matter how old we are- we are never ready to lose our mothers!

  • Avatar Jennifer says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing. This was so powerful and beautiful and made me think about the healing that my children have brought about in my life. I also feel so uplifted by your last two sentences. “You are not just a mother. You are a mother.”

  • […] My Story. Part 1 – You will cry reading this post.  I did, anyway.  Even if you don’t, you will be encouraged.  Have I been vague enough as to it’s content to get you to read it?? […]

  • What a beautiful post! Thank you for the reminder that we are important people.

  • Avatar Jan says:

    Kat, this is a beautiful post. I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as my mother lost her mother at a young age. I have always wondered how she became such a wonderful mother to me when she didn’t have a mother in her life and this gives me some insight.

    There really is no greater gift than being a mother! Thanks for the reminder.

  • […] mother, whom I never knew, was from the Philippines. It’s a place I’ve dreamed of all my life, […]

  • Avatar jared's mum says:

    this is simply beautiful and reading about it made me miss my mother even more (she passed away 4 years back)…i always thought if i could be half the mother my mom was then i feel i have accomplished much. being a mother is the best job i’ve ever had:)

  • Avatar Keisha says:

    I feel so much happier now I unsderatnd all this. Thanks!

  • Avatar oh amanda says:

    Kat–you’re in the Philippines right now meeting your mother’s family. I don’t know how I missed this post and am so thankful I’m reading it now. Thank you for always being so open and honest. Today I’m praying with joy–for your miracle today and that more healing will take place in your heart. Love to you, friend! xo