Why Every Mom Needs A Bouncer (Or How To Know When To Say No)

I’m not talking about the plastic, jumpy houses kind of bouncer. I’m talking about the big, burly, baldheaded, muscleman kind of bouncer. The type that elite celebrity night clubs hire to make sure only the best of the best make it inside.

They don’t want just anyone in their club, because they know that every person they let in that doesn’t match their ideal patron, lowers the quality and reputation of the club.

Kat, I’m a mom. You lost me when you started talking about clubbing.

Alright, let me bring it back home.

As a mom, your time is limited. You’re busy and you have a lot of responsibilities. But if you’re like most other woman, you love to help, serve, create and lead. And you have a hard time saying no.

Enter your bouncer.

You lost me again, Kat.

Ok. Your bouncer is your Mission Statement. It’s your big burly, baldheaded security guard. When new responsibilities try to enter your life, they MUST make it past the him. Does this new responsibility line up with my Mission Statement? If so, does it also line up with my current yearly goals? If it doesn’t match up with both, it needs to be tossed.

You can simply say, “That sounds like a great opportunity. Thank you for thinking of me, but it doesn’t quite line up with what I’m working on this year.”

If it does match up, talk and pray about it with your spouse before making a final decision.

3 Tips for Evaluating New Opportunities

The summer is nearly over and the school year, with all it’s busy-ness, is fast approaching. Use these three tips to keep you from getting in over your head.

1. New offers, responsibilities, roles must match up with your Mission Statement.
2.Never say yes on the spot. Give it at least a day.
3. When a new role comes in:
- Either an old one needs to go out or
- Sufficient habits need to have been created to make room/time for the new role.

Why We Need To Get In The Habit of Saying No

A mother’s time is precious. Every new responsibility we take on dilutes our effectiveness in our other roles. We must guard our energy, time and family wisely.

Do you have an easy or hard time saying no? Any tips for others?

(To learn how to download our new, free ebook that will walk you through making your own mission statement, click here.)

This post is part of Works For Me Wednesday.

Comments

  1. Kat – this is fabulous. thanks for a great reminder!

  2. This picture is hilarious! Good post, and great analogy!
    This is such a hard thing to do, but oh how much easier life is when we do say no to things! I feel like when things are in balance for me, I enjoy my kids so much more.
    This summer is a great example. I was dreading it, as I was unsure of how I would handle all three home at once! (Kids are almost 5, 2.5, and 3 months). I have very few commitments outside of the home (this has been a long process for me to be here!) and I feel like this summer has been so enjoyable, and I feel less stressed than I did with 2 kids and a bunch of commitments.
    Now, the challenge is to STAY HERE. :)
    .-= Katie Orr´s last blog ..The Rubber Meets the Road =-.

  3. Yes, I have a hard time saying no but practice makes perfect- and I have been practicing for the past year :) It is hard for me because I do love to serve and lead BUT I realized I simply cannot do everything. Trying to just creates stress for me, which affects my mood and energy for my first ministry, my family. Thanks for the reminder!

  4. GREAT advice!!

  5. As a recovering people pleaser I so agree with you on this – it’s helpful to remember that I won’t ALWAYS say no, either. Saying no doesn’t mean you are not a kind and helpful person. Some seasons are just better for accepting additional responsibilities in life, and some you even have to eliminate nearly everything aside from immediate family needs. There will always be a need sometime somewhere – just because you say no once doesn’t mean you’ll never be asked or see an opportunity again.

    My husband has been a great coach in this area, I know he’s got my back and I’m thankful for him as a partner to help me feel ok about saying no as well. .:)

  6. Stephanie says:

    I used to be queen of getting in over my head! A friend of mine recommended the book “Boundaries.” It was incredible and really helped me!

  7. I completely agree, Kat. It’s easy to get caught up in distractions, commitments, and the general “busyness” of life. When new opportunities arise, I find it difficult to say no, and when I do take on the new opportunity, I find it twice as difficult to fit it into my routine. I will work at being better at prioritizing and learning that sometimes it’s ok to say “no”.

    Thanks for this great reminder!

  8. You have a great sense of humor. Love the article!

  9. Great Post!!! Thanks! When we say NO to someone OUTSIDE our family – we are saying YES to someone INSIDE our family. This helps ease my guilt when saying NO. :0)

  10. Great advice!! Sometimes a hard thing to do but definitely something that needs to be done!

  11. Love this! Great advice for making sure anything you take on matches up with your goals and priorities–that’s the recipe for happiness.

  12. The idea of a mission statement for moms has totally captured me. I already started working on mine. Then, it hit me…teachers need mission statements for their classroom – a filter! I am launching a blog soon at http://www.higherlevelteaching.com and can’t wait to share your post and blog about how teachers can use mission statements to make the most of their time in the classroom. Thanks for the INSPIRATION!

  13. Michelle Felton says:

    Kat,
    I’m new to your blog and I want to say “thanks” for what you are doing here. I wholeheartedly agree with learning to say “no” and not take on too many things outside the home. This past school year we were way too busy with church and school activities. I was stressed out and my poor children (11,7,3) got the brunt of my “stressedness” (ok not a word but makes my point). And we weren’t having much time to connect as a family. My middle child especially felt the effects of our crazy schedule and her behavior showed that. I’ve pulled back from several activities at church and I’m going to be very careful as to what I commit to at the children’s schools this new year. There will always be “something” to try and pull us away from our main focus and we must be willing to stand up and say the hard word – no. Not in a rude way but in a polite, confident way. I’ve had a few people at church question my recent decisions. For a recovering “people pleaser” – it’s been a challenge not to feel guilty or feel I must justify my decisions. So my new phrase is “I just need to wear my mom hat more these days and follow where God is leading me.”

  14. Great, great, great post here! Thank you for putting this “down on paper.” It is a great help to me at this point in my life. Thanks! Oh, and I did totally think you were talking about a baby bouncer. Ha!

  15. Oh, thank you! I printed out this post to put with my (soon-to-be-revised) mission statement in front of my weekly planning sheet. I need to read it every day for a while until it sinks in. Your blog was recently recommended in an email group I belong to and I am so glad!

Trackbacks

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