Motherhood and Identity: I Became a Mom and Lost Myself

By June 22, 2010General

A couple weeks ago, I received this email from a reader:

My life has intertangled with three people that there is barely a trace of me. I have become them, as it should, somewhat be.

We know we only have so much time to impart to our children, that time is valuable, we want to make the most of it all, so true, so true.

My personal struggle as a mom is I am ultra-selfish. I am passionate and whole hearted. I am easily led astray by great ideas that I want to bloom now while they are fresh on my mind. I have had to let go of my dreams in order to be a better mom, and somewhere in there, while I know it was the right thing to do, sometimes, a residue of resentment grows, as I get trapped in all or nothing.

How do I give myself whole-heartedly to this task of motherhood, maintain my marriage, and also maintain a sense of personal identity that causes my inner life to not feel like a smashed bug leaking my inside residue all over the pavement? I understand we lay down our lives for our children, but shouldn’t we pick up and maintain our lives for our children too?

I guess my question in a nutshell, if a rich, active inner self allows one to be a complete and better person, which would then spill over to all those roles we hold, how then is effectively done?

I totally related to her struggle.

A year and a half ago, I wrote this post. Life had gotten very busy. The personal time I used to have in the evenings had somehow vanished. I cared for my kids, cleaned my house and slept. And I was so not ok with that:

I feel like I’m hanging on to the very last thread of me.

And I can’t decide if it’s something I’m supposed to hang onto or not.

Part of me doesn’t want to be “just” a mom. I know that sounds horrible, but I’m just being honest here. I adore my kids, I love being a mom, I chose to be a stay at home mom and I wouldn’t do anything differently.

But part of me still wants to own a business. And run a marathon. And work in the music industry. And write an excellent blog. And change the world.

I daydream about attending conferences. I take my kids to the office supply store for fun. My brain is constantly barraged with various business ideas.

Right now, though, I’m called to be a mom. Full time. And more. Much more.

Motherhood and Identity.

This is what we’re talking about for the next week or so. I’d love to hear your stories, wisdom and struggles.

Do you have any advice for those trying to be the best mother they can be and still hold on to the person that will remain when the children leave?

Have you ever been there? Are you there?

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Comments

40 Comments

  • Avatar reba says:

    One thing I am learning, by the Grace of God, is that I am only at peace when I realize that my true identity has very little to do with what I am doing. My true identity is that I am a child of God, and as such I am both free from slavery and called to let go of my will for my life and embrace servanthood as Christ did. This is hard to grasp isn’t it? All I know is that God continues to teach me that when I let go of my ideas and focus on Him and what each day holds, then I am at peace to serve these little people, my husband and home. I may be the laundry lady (even though I studied to be an opera singer!) but I have great joy in it now!

  • Avatar Rachel says:

    Hi Kat,

    I so relate to this post and this person’s questions. I had my first son in the middle of my degree (I took a year off and then finished part-time over the next two years), and my second was born just after I qualified as a speech therapist.

    I spent a year at home with my young children and then started to feel ‘trapped’ (sounds bad?). I loved being a mum but also felt guilty I wasn’t out there using my qualification to get on the career ladder. So I went to work part-time for a year. Then towards the end of that year started to struggle with leaving the children at school/pre-school. Especially when my 5 year old started school – I missed him and regretted not spending more time with him when he was a toddler. I also didn’t want, when my youngest comes to go to ‘big school’, to be left with the same feelings of regret the second time around.

    So I left work! And then during this last year and a half at home I started to explore what my dreams and goals were, both as a parent and as a person in my own right. I’d love to write children’s books, I’d love to become a good runner, and, of course, I’d love to be the best parent I can be (and wife, and home-maker, etc!). So now I am striking a balance. I try to spend a day every couple of weeks just writing, while my youngest is in pre-school. I try to keep a cleanish house but it is by no means spotless! I try to take the boys out at the weekend instead of doing chores, and I try to get up early and plan so it doesn’t all go horribly wrong!!! (I am still working on this!)

    I’m still working on fitting in the exercise, and blogging, but I’ve realised that those things make me happy and contented, and more able to be the kind of parent I should be. A stressed, hassled, worn-out person trying to keep up with everyone around me does not a happy mother or household make!!

    I don’t compare myself with other mums (much), as it is so easy to feel inferior. Instead I try to think of what kind of a mum would my children most benefit from, and work on that. With lots of prayer, reading and trial and error!!!

    Sorry this is really long!
    Rach
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..It’s Going Well, So Far. =-.

    • Avatar Natalie says:

      Wonderful, Rachel. Thank you for sharing your journey; one I am on myself!

      “I donÒ€ℒt compare myself with other mums (much), as it is so easy to feel inferior. Instead I try to think of what kind of a mum would my children most benefit from, and work on that. With lots of prayer, reading and trial and error!!!”- Love your wisdom!

    • Avatar Kat says:

      I agree with Natalie. Your bit about comparison is so key. Thanks for sharing your story and your wisdom!

    • Well said! I am bad about comparing, but am getting better!
      .-= Lisa Middleton´s last blog ..12 Month Pics! =-.

  • Avatar Rachel says:

    Ps. What Reba said!!
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..It’s Going Well, So Far. =-.

  • Yes, I have been there until I discovered a wonderful book called Motherstyles.

    The first reason I love it is that it says that everybody HAS parenting strengths πŸ™‚

    Then it shows you what those are and what you struggle with.

    Once I read my style and saw that my parenting strengths are more suited to bigger kids, it freed me to be exactly who I am. I get better as the babies age πŸ™‚

    It also showed me that to be most effective, I need to be doing something outside the house too so I work. I’m a better mother when I’m out doing other things. I come home calm and eager to see my babies πŸ™‚

  • Avatar Amy says:

    This is going to be great. I was just talking about this with some mom friends yesterday. While I know my calling is home with my four kids, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my job outside the home. Some days I miss it very much. After having baby #4 at 40 two years ago God taught me that the Christian life isn’t about doing what we want just because we want to do it and it makes us “feel” good (that’s the world’s philosopy). The Christian life is doing what God calls us to do because it’s RIGHT. God bless and I can’t wait to follow this theme.

  • As someone who’s still trying to figure out this whole SAHM thing…I am totally there. I miss volunteering, working, those things I used to do PK–Pre-Kid. I don’t know how to make it enough that I care for my daughter all hours of the day or night. I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel like I DO anything.
    .-= Vanderbilt Wife´s last blog ..29 Percent Isn’t Half Bad =-.

    • Avatar Kim says:

      Vanderbilt Wife,
      I completely hear where you’re coming from. When I start to feel that same way, as in, getting to the end of the day and thinking to myself, “What did I really do today?” I remind myself of the story where Elisha asks for his servant’s eyes to be opened. (II Kings 6:15-17) The servant’s eyes are opened to the heavens and he sees chariots of fire surrounding them on their behalf to fight the battle before them. I don’t think I necessarily have chariots of fire around me, but I do believe with all my heart that there is so much more going on around me than I realize. Every time I spend time with my kids, even doing the seemingly mundane things of life, I am helping facilitate God’s amazing plan for their lives, allowing Him to come and shape His dreams in His heart. When I allow them to come alongside me and do even simple things, I am discipling them, training them to be all that God has called them to be. Especially as a SAHM, I have the extraordinary privilege and responsibility of living out my faith in front of my kids. What they see in my life will form their value system and will reflect what they believe about God. So, when I feel tired and unfulfilled (which does happen, a lot), I remind myself what it is that I’m really doing. I am raising my kids in the fear of the Lord, so that when they are older, they don’t just “make it” in this world. They conquer it!

      I pray that we God would grant all of us strength and fresh vision and purpose!

  • Avatar kelly says:

    I was just posting something similar. I have 4 kids (ages 9 through 3) and I am still learning. =0) The thing that God has been putting His finger on lately is learning to be gentle; in my responses, with my voice and actions. Here is what Websters 1828 has to say about that:
    that fruit of the Spirit best described as a lack of self-interest
    ~not proud or self-sufficient
    ~submissive to the will of God
    ~It is the fruit and evidence of God’s power.

    So my hearts desire is to be vigilant to rely on the Lord; not be proud or self-sufficient in my marriage, but submissive to the will of God. I want the fruit of my life and my marriage to be the evidence of the power of God not me in my own strength. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
    .-= kelly´s last blog ..Leaning on your Beloved and Gentleness ( vigilant wives) =-.

  • LOVE this conversation! It feels like it’s the talk of the town lately, or perhaps it feels that way to me because it is all that I think about: how to not to loose myself in motherhood land. In fact, I’m currently writing an e-book titled “Fearless Woman…Unconventional Mothering” to spread the word about juggling all of our identities and safeguarding our pre-motherhood selves. One thing I know for sure is that I cannot only be a mother, that’s just a one part of me (albeit an important one). And in order for me to be a “good” mother, I need to have an outlet for all the things that are important to my “core self” — namely, being creative, working, supporting others, being involved in other causes, writing, going out, and me time. SO many women become depressed, angry and frustrated because they are just not honest with their needs and what they want to do. It is OK to say that you don’t want to be a 24 hour mom, or that you want to work AND be a mother. I am very proud of the fact that I know and let others know, that I can only tolerate 4-5 hours by myself (without help or assistance) caring for my 4 children. After 5 hours, I become extremely tired, frustrated and anxious. So in order for me to be the best mom I can be, I try to keep that time frame and not more. It might sound weird to someone out there, but that’s “my” reality. All I know is that, at the end of the day, once I’m written a post, or have met with my clients, I am very happy to be a mother, and vice versa.

    The first step to all of this is HONESTY and being able to express yourself, your needs, your dreams, your wishes. This is the secret to good parenting.

  • Avatar Nina says:

    I think the thing is, for me, I know I am constantly growing and evolving as a person. so before having a child i would lose myself in relationships with men. I know many here are married so may not see that they do that but I do (or they may not do that and that is great). but for me, it is one of the reasons I never married. I don’t like not being myself. and for the most part every man I was with wanted me to be something I wasn’t. and I wasn’t strong enough to not do that. so I work on that.

    as a parent, I think there are seasons.

    as a newborn a child relies on 100% of course we lose ourselves. and we are a different person than we were before they came into our lives. and then we find as they get older that having had been there 100% for someone has caused us to become yet again a different person. for me, a better person.

    I’m able to say no to people who aren’t good for me. I know what I like to do and I take time to do that even if it means reading a book while sitting next to my son as he plays trains. I see myself doing things I don’t like as a parent (and a person) and I work on changing that.

    I lost my job and have been looking for something new and in that really questioning – what do I want to do? how do I make my self worth separate from what I do? what do I want to do for 30 years? what do I want my son to learn from what I do?

    those questions help me focus and hopefully be a good person and thereby a good parent. so I don’t feel lost but more found than ever.

  • Avatar Stacy says:

    You have managed to post something that has been speaking to my heart for awhile now. I can so relate to your post. I also treasured my me time and now I take care of my kids, clean and at night fall down in sheer exhaustion. I love my kids, but there is more to me and I miss being able to find that. Or being able to set career goals. My waking moments 24/7/365 are my kids. I do miss my old life and I do feel guilty for trying to plan ahead for when the kids are older. So many of us are led to think we should feel bad for wanting to be more than a mom at times, and we shouldn’t be.
    .-= Stacy´s last blog ..Back to the books =-.

  • Avatar Shawn says:

    I remind myself that have been placed in this position for such a time as this. Whether holding babies, cooking or cleaning God has placed me where I am for a unique purpose. I am so blessed.

  • Avatar Katrina says:

    Just this weekend, my stepmom asked me what I want for ME as a person in the next 5-10 years. I was speechless; I didn’t have an answer that didn’t revolve around my two sons. I, too, struggle with missing the “old me” – but am encouraged at how God is using two young men to refine me into His image, moreso than even being married has. (And I thought I was selfish when I got married!) Kat, thank you for broaching this topic – it can feel a little taboo in certain circles. As a SAHM by choice, I, too, am thankful for the time I have with my little guys, but am looking forward to finding a balance and maybe find even a little bit of ME again. πŸ™‚

  • Avatar Natalie says:

    (I typed out a long comment and then it never posted so I hope this does not post twice!)

    Wow, Kat, I am so happy to read this post and all the discussion in the comments! I look forward to more from you on this theme. I have blogged about this theme a bit since it has become a sort of central theme in my life over the past year.

    One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a mom is one that I see many women make- I became Mommy. I gave up Natalie and much of who God had created me to be. I believed that Mommy was the new me and my prior interests and inclinations had to be forgotten so as not to interfere with the new me. I never thought about any of this, mind you. Oh sure, I was frustrated and resentful, at times, but I never consciously considered this transformation from Natalie to Mommy objectively. I rarely examined the feelings of frustration and resentment as warning signs of a problem, I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.

    Over this past year, however, I have begun to see that this abdication of the unique person God had created me to be was not wise. It was not unselfish and sacrificial, as was my intention. In fact, losing myself was detrimental to the very people I was trying to serve- my family. The problem was not the roles I took on but the things I neglected. The problem was not the tasks I engaged in but the manner I entered in to them- without consideration and prayer. The problem was not that I wanted to be the best Mommy I could be but that I forgot all about Natalie in the process. I stopped honoring the unique gifts, inclinations and desires that God had so graciously bestowed on me. In clumsily crucifying my flesh, I trampled my spirit. Instead of taking on a new and precious role as mommy, while honoring the rest of me, I became Mommy and forgot about the rest of me.

    I began to see that if I did not start to take care of myself, I was hurting everyone in my family. I also began to realize that I was actually disrespecting my Lord by ignoring the special way He made me. It took awhile for me to understand and believe these things. It took a clear mind to see that a woman who desires to be a wonderful Mommy must also be a woman whose personal needs are met. I cannot pour myself out for anyone if I am empty and dry!

    Just knowing that I can choose to take care of one of my own NEEDS even if it will preclude meeting a WANT of one of my children has given me such a sense of freedom. My desire on this journey is to “live as a free woman, but not use my freedom as a cover-up for evil; to live as a servant of God.” (based on 1 Peter 2:16)

    I’m sorry this got so long! I just wanted to share my experience in the hopes that it might help others that find themselves where I did.

  • Avatar Chioma says:

    I am not a SAHM. I am a very busy litigation attorney, and sometimes I find myself cross-examining my son (I know, almost the antithesis of “MOM”). I still feel like my role as a mother comes first and unfortunately, I sill feel like I don’t get to be as much as I could be. I feel like I am not as good a mom as those who have more than one (my son’s 9). I’ve tried to fit more into my day but my husband, who is wheelchair bound, says that I have way more to do than to be a stressed, hassled and worn out woman.

    I plan to add Motherstyles to my book pile as well. Perhaps there is some truth to being a better mom as the babies age. Definitely sounds like my situation. Perspective is always so refreshing when I feel unfulfilled in the roles God has placed me in. I have been working on bringing my self to Center on the moment and appreciating the exact moment that I am just living in God’s grace.

    Thank you all for the great posts.

  • Avatar TGarrick says:

    I’ve been at SAHM until recently, when I was fortunate enough to find a job that worked around my boys’ school schedule. Since they are both school age, I’m past the sleepless nights and sheer exhaustion of the daily care of infants and toddlers. But I miss it!! I have to make myself slow down and enjoy these little boys while they’re children. I tend to take things too seriously and take it out on them, but I’m gradually learning that their jobs right now are to be kids. My job is to guide them on their path. Having time for myself helps me feel a litle more like a whole person again, but seeing my children play, learn and grow into their individuality is my true reward. When I’m frustrated with all of my Mommy responsibilities, I make myself stop and appreciate these unique little guys that I love so much!!

  • Avatar Tara says:

    Oh, this so speaks to where I am at the moment. I’ve really enjoyed reading peoples’ thoughts, and look forward to hearing what you have to tell us, and the comments people make.

    Thanks so much.
    .-= Tara´s last blog ..Bad News For Jos =-.

  • Avatar Tara says:

    oops, just had to comment again because I forgot to tick for notification of more comments. πŸ™‚
    .-= Tara´s last blog ..Bad News For Jos =-.

  • Avatar Erica says:

    I can so totally relate!

    I had a dream job, working in the creative department at my church. It was so much fun working in a creative environment, with people who love the Lord! I worked part-time, which was fabulous and I felt as if I was “called” to go back to work.

    Yet, about two month into the job here’s what happened…my heart was no longer with my job… it was with my kids. I was no longer able to do the simple things, like attend class parties or field trips. When we would get home from school, I’d find myself checking work email and doing another hour’s worth of work, when in reality, I should have been helping my kids with their homework and getting dinner ready. In addition, it was necessary for me to attend more meetings and church-wide events that took me away in the evenings or on weekends. For a job that was part-time, I felt like I was working full-time and in effect, my family and I were struggling.

    Eventually, I knew in my heart that I needed to quit. It was definitely an inner struggle because I enjoyed working for my church. I enjoyed having a creative outlet for myself where I could make money in the process. And speaking of money, I enjoyed having money that I was able to freely spend for the first time since having kids! I did not want to quit because I would let down a lot of people, let alone Randy. And honestly, I did not want to quit, because I didn’t want to let down my God. But thank goodness for a husband who has stood by me, supported me and encouraged me to follow my heart’s desire. And thank God for a God that is full of grace.

    Now… here’s the important part! Why was going back to being a housewife and full time mom my heart’s desire? Because it is THAT IMPORTANT TO ME. Taking care of my family by making sure my home is a safe haven for them at the end of their long day IS my heart’s desire. I want to be available (mentally, emotionally, physically) to my girls at all times. I don’t want them to have to compete for my attention because I’m preoccupied with work emails, deadlines, etc. I want my husband to not have to worry about the well-being of our children, when he has many more things to worry about, including working to care for his family. I believe God has placed mothering on my heart for a reason… because the reality is, they will not be little forever and I don’t want to turn around one day and see that my kids are all grown up (or trying to grow up too fast) because I was too busy trying to fulfill my own fruitless endeavors. Because at the end of the day, I don’t think I’ll ever be remorseful for quitting my job to spend more time with my family.

    That’s my story… and although I still have doubt about my “purpose” in this world outside of mothering… I know that I am doing the right thing, right now in this season.
    .-= Erica´s last blog ..Best Deal of the Year! =-.

  • I so enjoyed reading this post and all of the comments! One of the things I have tried to focus on (and am finding great value in teaching my 5 yo daughter) is being content. When Paul wrote about being content he was sitting in a jail cell…kind of an odd place to do that! But I am reminded that God has given me everything I need to be content where I am right now, and if I miss out on the joy in my life TODAY by longing for the future (when the kids are older/easier/etc) I will surely regret it. Not easy to live each day, but something I try to remind myself of.

    Also, a word of practical advice that I have found helpful and that is, include your children in whatever you are passionate about! I love to write, so I started a blog where I write mainly about kids & family, but also about other things. I love to sew and I am teaching my oldest to sew alongside me. I love baking so I often get the kids involved in the kitchen. My husband and I run a non-profit organization and our kids volunteer right along with us. We are teaching them about what kind of people God created them to be and giving them so much by passing our passions on to them! Thanks so much for this blog, looking forward to the continuing discussion.
    .-= Paula@Motherhood Outloud´s last blog ..An Uncomplicated Life: Cooking =-.

  • This is something that I, too, have been struggling with recently (really for the past year!). I’m looking forward to hearing what you all have to share. And thanks to those who already have!
    .-= Lisa Middleton´s last blog ..12 Month Pics! =-.

  • […] Rachel said in the comments of this post, “A stressed, hassled, worn-out person trying to keep up with everyone around [her] does not […]

  • Avatar Mary says:

    I agree with the very first comment, that if I focus on God, He will show me my true identity is in Him. He will also guide me with ideas and friendships that will help in my calling as a SAHM. The woman in Proverbs 31 did a whole lot of stuff, not just raise children.

    From another perspective, if I worked at an outside job would I love that job every single minute? Probably not. If I wanted to succeed at that job be it corporate or assembly line wouldn’t I find ways to improve my performance and think of ways to improve on the job itself? I would network, troll the web, and perhaps attend conferences about the job or job subject. These are all things you can and should do for your mom job.

    I read many whiny bloggers complaining that every day is just the same old same old. Kids crave routine, but not sameness. It’s up to us to make our days and their days fun and interesting. And keeping current on your interests makes you happy and by proximity them happy too. There is no shame in hiring a sitter (or starting a sitter co-op) so you can do something you enjoy. Any job is what you make of it. Especially this job.

  • […] week we started discussing Motherhood and Identity. If you haven’t read through some of the comments, I HIGHLY recommend it. You all are awesome […]

  • Avatar Nikki says:

    ”He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away ”

  • Avatar Cory says:

    This is interesting to me, the whole mom vs. life topic. I have 5 children, now mostly adults – ages 28 – 16, and I was asked for many years, how do you do it? my reply was, I don’t – WE do, we are a team, my husband and I, and a family, and we are all in this together.
    I also suffer from selfishness, and had a lot of sleepless nights, but I had balance, in my husband, and grace, from my God, and really learned to cherish those times we were together. We almost always ate dinner together, and still do, those still here, (plus our future daughter in law), and the addition of my son in law, and grandson (too cute to be believed) and our childrens long time friends has grown our family to a wonderful size – i am so blessed beyond what i deserve!
    However, the struggle to remain my own entity wasn’t easy, and the persistence i had through the years in being me – artsy, creative, loves to play with any new craft – has been a huge influence in my children, who are so talented in so very many ways, and now? I have my business, which in my wildest dreams i didn’t imagine would happen!! God’s blessings? yes, and yet, i know He also knows me, He is my all in all, and i have for nothing in His provision – without God, i would be a gibbering idiot. truly. I think, once i realized that I was still growing up, that i had a lot to learn, and that when my children move out, become parents and adults, in the end, this is my life, and so my view of selfishness changed. I took the time i needed, and don’t regret it. i made mistakes, but i learned, and often my kids are the ones who taught me! I have full sympathy for young moms and families still growing, and my advice? Find your proper balance. Remember, we are not alone, God is always there, and has created the family to be together, in all ways, and all that that entails. We all need to grow, and have time for ourselves, making that happen is a challenge, but for your childrens sake, you need to choose to be a little selfish – it isn’t really a 4 letter word, like some make it out to be.
    I still feel like a little kid sometimes, i have new things to do and learn, and ways to grow, and God is showing me how to let Him be in charge of my life, He wants only the best for us, who am i to question that?
    πŸ™‚
    (sorry for the novel)
    Cory

  • Avatar Kristin says:

    Thank you so much for posting about this! I had just finished college, was in the middle of cosmetology school, and had a fantastic job lined up traveling the world doing once-in-a-lifetime glamorous things, when my husband and I got news of our little bundle of a surprise πŸ˜› I knew I should be happy about a baby, but definitely was NOT! I knew that being a mom would have to take front and center stage (second to being a wife), so I arranged the house to work from home… and now I love it! Truth be told, I do have those “what if” moments, but then my giggling ball of energy runs up and kisses me, or my clients mention how I have changed their life.
    I truly believe that our ministry as moms is not only to minister to our families, but that it is to show our families how to serve others. Take your kids to the park and teach them to share with others. Show them how you have friends over and just listen to them. It is very easy to “just” stay home with our kiddos, but I believe God put that itch inside of us for a purpose! Each one of you was given unique talents, interests, and ideas, and your job is to serve God by sharing them with the world (whether business, hair, parenting tips, or babysitting other people’s kids)!

  • Avatar Nicole says:

    I just found this blog post but have followed your blog for months. i believe being a mom is a sacred responsibility. BUT I also believe those dreams in your heart are sacred too! I believe we can BOTH nurture or families and our dreams! I founded http://www.MOMentity.com to prove it and show women how.

  • Avatar Elizabeth says:

    This blog is a blessings years later as I find it just now, it hits home. My medieval fairytale marriage, matched my beautiful fairytale natural birth, both a one day event. Now that my kids are 7 and 5, who at one point became like idols, the hours, days, years of previously insane sleep deprivation-nursing finally became a joyful journey amidst reality of low valleys and mountain top blessings. as I cling onto His vine every step in between by the grace of God and wisdom from Godly community

    As for my own identity besides Mommyhood, I had more time for creative writing in college, as well as advocacy work. I finally am pursuing writing, as Holy Spirit directs and now minimally I do private practice (primarily biblical based counseling) as well as some advocacy work with a Christian DV housing corp, as directed by the Lord.

    Practically had a nervous breakdown when I was also Room Mom, leading a women’s group, all good, but not at the same time. Then motherhood got booted out. Thank God He helped pruned my life to bear the fruit of motherhood I envisioned of prayer warrior children growing in Him.

    Keeping my identity also includes enjoyable work outs without feeling selfish to do Hot Hula, which satisfies my love for dance and also helps me remember I am sexy for my hubby:)

    Way struggled a lot with having to say no to working mom friends, who thought I could pick up whatever they couldn’t just because I stay home with my kids, as if I owe them b/c I am privileged. It is a blessing, but work nonetheless. I pray for discernment for my yes to be yes and no to be no. I just recovered my libido for my husband, who is priority over kids and friends.

    Thanks for letting me share to continue this rhythm of living within the beats of His heart beat in this world but not of it.

  • Avatar Shanti says:

    Hi Kat..
    I am a 28 year old mom to a 2.5 year old kid.I live in India..I gave up my job for family.I was just a graduate when I became a mom.Now I am a Post graduate.And preparing for the highest professional degree in Commerce in India.Its difficult.very frustrating.My mom has offered help till I finish a part of the studies and she will complete her French last level(Now you know the entire family loves studying!).She will be back to my place to take care of the kid till I finish the last level of my studies.I am so glad to find your website.I wanted to start my own, but you have told all I wanted to, in this website.Its great!!Looks like all mothers in different parts of the globe go through the same thing.Thank you so much for this website.It clears my mind.